Farewell Sorrow, Hello Joy

Farewell to Sorrow, Hello to JOY

February 2012 has been a particularly challenging month for me and my family. This is the month when really all that I have been praying about seems to be going in the exact opposite direction. My son, who takes up quite a big chunk of my interceding time, seemed even further away from where I wanted him to be with Christ. My sister, who takes up the other half, had yet another car accident and is still not back to work.  Things happened that made me cry and cry. As a matter of fact, I felt like I wept through the entire month of February. 

Yet, here I am on the last day of my fasting for the month of February and I feel a growing excitement within my bosom. I should back track to say that my Pastor (one of two), felt impressed by God for the church to go into a month of prayer and fasting. He had asked us to write down three things that we wanted God to help us with; a list of wants from God. You know, I am always reminded that I have not because I ask not, so this was challenging for me. I am one of those who ask not, having already decided for myself the answers from God. I know this is a lie, and God is working that out in me as well.

Anyway, this month persisted in its challenges, and I tell you, I have felt like it has been one long night full of mourning.  Yes, it was also punctuated by the highs of feeling like God is wrapping me up in His arms and carrying me; in contrast, there were those moments where I felt that I could kill the very giant with my bare hands. I have felt like God’s strength lifted me right out of my tearful stupor and used me as a vessel for His honour and His glory. However, for the most part I felt weak and quite like weeping Jeremiah.

I am as pleased as ever to complete something I have never done before.  Now I don’t want to mislead you, I have not been good at it, but I celebrate sticking with it. Prayer and fasting. Fasting and Prayer. I truly believe that when Jesus said to his disciples, these things come not out but by prayer and fasting, He was talking to us as well. Some things are hard, and they stick better than that crazy glue my Mom uses at times to glue the most unlikely things together.

Today, I sit in great anticipation of my Wednesday night prayer meeting. I have two scheduled for tonight and I can hardly wait for the work day to be over. I feel like the best is yet to come and I can’t think of a better way to invite March into the year , than by closing with prayer the preceding month. As the very name of the month suggests, I am marching on into March. I have my banner of His love over my head, flying for all the world to see whose side I am standing on. I am clothed in strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25 as I discovered while absorbing Beth Moore’s book So Long Insecurity via CDs).  I am ready to move past this into the month of my testimony.

Now I can hear the skeptics among us saying, what happens when nothing new happens in March?  What if you find that it is more of the same if not worse?  What pray tell is the contingency plan?  To you this is my answer.  God promised me that he will exceed my expectations (Eph 3:20-21). He also said that if I put my hope and trust in Him that I will not be disappointed.  So, I am armed with His promises that are yes and amen.  I am confident in Him to not let His words return to Him void. My reliance is not in me, but in Him. He is the one that is faithful even if I don’t believe, He cannot deny Himself. So I am holding  on unswervingly to this Hope that I have in Him.

I am hoping that you will be so like minded to expect something from Him as well. I share this with you so that you can be excited about your future that God says is good. Friends, no matter happens in March, just as it did in February, it is already working out for my(our) good as I (we) love the Lord and have been called according to His purpose.

Waiting

If you are like me you are not particularly fond of waiting on anything.  You dont like long queues, long lines of cars before you anywhere, a microwave that makes 2 mins seem like 3...you just generally hate waiting.  Well, this month I have been waiting on God for somethings.  This morning in particular I asked Him "When God?  How much longer do I have to wait to see the results of what i already know He has done for me?"

Do you know what the answer was?  I bet you already do.  Wait and again I say Wait upon the Lord.  Well did I feel good about that answer? No.  I didnt.  So as if to reinforce that word to me, I found the verse (and I was not looking for it) in Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint".

Sometimes I feel so weak.  I feel that my strength has been zapped totally from me.  I feel like I cant go another step much less run and walk.  Yet. here is the word that says that I shall be strenthened, I shall mount up, I shall run and I shall walk...in my waiting.  So what does all this mean? For me it says, that in my waiting I am not sitting down collapsed, but I keep doing all that God tells me to do. IN my comtinued service, I wait for Him. He will not disappoint me. They that hope in God shall never be disappointed. So I am not a fan of waiting but I understand that God knows best.

So in the words of the song by John Waller:
While I am waiting I will serve you
While I am waiting I will worship
While I am waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

By Your Side

After bawling my eyes out in one of my most undignified prayers to God, I heard the lyrics to the song by Tenth Avenue North "By Your Side".  I hope I am not breaking any copy rights law when I tell you the lyrics:

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying...


I'll be by your side
where ever you fall
in the dead of night
whenever you call
and please dont fight
these hands that are holding you....

Cause I love you
I want you to know
That I love you

I'll never let you go...

As the lyrics to the song washed over my soul I could hear clearly the voice of my father saying "Let me hold you".  Even now I tear up just remembering the experience.  I could see myself being held by Him, feel His hands surrounding me just as His words did.  I will never leave nor will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5).

I write all of this so that perhaps one person could be encouraged today. Perhaps you are that person that feels like the world is crushing you. Maybe you have met upon trouble beyond even your own imaginings or comprehension.  Maybe you feel so sad and alone right now.  I am telling you my friend that God will hold you and he will never let you go. It is so true.  It is so real. God will never let you go.  Let Him hold you, just as he is holding me. 

By the way, thank God for the writers and singers of songs that minister to people.  Tenth Avenue North, may God bless you richly, for trully God listens to your songs and uses it in his healing process. He did it for me...and maybe so many others.

I Will Always Love You

Have you heard?  Whitney Houston passed away yesterday.  I still find it hard to reconcile this news with my memories of the woman so full of life singing "I wanna dance with somebody".  I could say so many things right now; talk about her troubles, her marriage and try to reason how this came to such a tragic end.  But there has been already so much and that is not how I want to remember this woman.  I will say that God's gifts are truly without repentance.  She was gifted, possessing a God-given ability to sing like no other.  She was the Best and all others have been compared or matched up to her "note" as a measuring stick of talent.

My heart goes out to her family. I think of her mom and daughter and how they must now feel.  Here we have a mother without a daughter and a daughter without a mother. I can only pray that the God of all Comfort will give them his solace and love right now.

Whitney Houston will always be remembered by me.  I never knew her as a person but I was one of those that was rooting for her to recover and return to God; to be healed wholly and finally find that peace and love she so desperately sought.  I will always love listening to her voice - She remains the best to date.  I cant help but "get so emotional,every time i think..." of her.  My condolences to her loved ones.