Psalm 95

How do we come before Him?

It is possible that you are very much like me in that you sometimes write out prayers to God.  One morning as I knelt bedside writing such a prayer I caught myself.  Have you ever done that? Just suddenly become aware of whatever it is you are doing?  I examined my position and demeanor as I knelt in the presence of God that morning.  My knees were bent, yes, but nothing else about my body language expressed what I had read just a few short minutes ago.  Psalm 95 said “Come let us sing for joy…shout aloud…come before Him with thanksgiving…and song” (verses 1-2).  Yet, I knelt with hands holding up my head; absolutely no singing and I didn’t even open my mouth to speak to Him.  There was no joy to speak of, and I was no-where near worshiping in Spirit and truth.

I looked and felt like the world and its outcome was shifted to my list of “to do”.  I can almost hear your responses, “what is wrong with being quiet sometimes?”  Friends, nothing is wrong with that at all. But too often, we remain silent and weighed down, even when we come before Him.  I suggest we make a conscious effort to try something different.  The Psalmist says Sing and Shout!  He reminds us that we are the flock under His care.  Our worship can therefore be underlined with thanksgiving and highlighted with Joy!  Come, let us worship and bow down, kneeling before the Lord, Our God, Our Maker.

FOR HE ALONE IS WORTHY

Once again all eyes are focused on the athletes in the throes of Olympics 2012.  It is where the best of the best compete against each other, with one goal in mind – Winning!  Athletes are celebrated and praised.  Spectators eat up information on their favourite pick to win, stirring their passions.  They deem who is worthy of their praise and do so with enthusiastic gusto.  They cheer, scream, jump and spin as they celebrate the chosen recipient of praise. 

As I sit reading through chapter 5 of Revelation, the question arises, who is really worthy?  Who can boast to being truly worthy of praise?  The song of the angels says “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and praise!” (Rev 5:12).  Friends, I am not suggesting that cheering on our athletes or team is wrong; not at all.  What I am saying is that God is even more deserving of our biggest praises. He is the One who sits on the throne, with Jesus, The Lamb, beside Him.   He is the one worthy.  May we be ready to chorus with the angels”… Be praise and honour and glory and power for ever and ever!” (Rev.5: 13) with enthusiasm and great delight!  Let us praise Him today!

Captivating lesson: To Be Romanced

Growing up and even now, I have enjoyed reading and watching stories where the woman is rescued and loved by her hero.  I have been captivated by romance stories, dreaming of one day being in my very own.  I have longed to be romanced, to be sought after, to be persued, to be fought for and to be cherished.  I am not so sure that this is a popular feeling among today's women. They all seem so strong and independent.  Nowadays, the very idea of being vulnerable may very well be a sign of weakness and no-one is inclined to be weak.  Yet, I beleive that this is all just  a very well placed mask upon all our faces.  I agree with Staci Eldredge when she writes "Now, being pursued isnt all that a woman wants....but dont you see that you want this?  To be desired, to be pursued by one who loves you, to be someone's priority?  Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after.  At some core place...every woman wants to be seen, wanted and pursued.  We want to be romanced."

After reading that, I felt less like an alien and more like a woman.  My desires are not strange or unique.  I bet if you were honest with yourself, you would admitt the same thing.  I am reminded of a time in my life that I thought I would never get over - the break up of my relationship with my son's Dad. Even now I think of how long I wasted away, wallowing in self pity and eating myself into oblivion.  My addiction became food.  My misery was not lessened but only grew more, along with my waistline. 

We broke up right before we were to be married. He didnt fight for me. He didnt come after me and I felt so unworthy.  I felt like I was the supporting actress and the stars of the movie were other people...other people that were more beautiful and more deserving of that status.  I wanted to be the heroine. Yet, for years I didnt think I Qualified.    It got to the point where I didnt even think it was possible to get that kind of attention from a man.

Let me explain, I knew God loved me.  He was the one who got me through this break up and seven long years of pain that came with it.  (Dont ask and I wont tell).  But I didnt think that a man would ever pursue me or romance me .  "The desires of a woman's heart and the realities of a woman's life seem an ocean apart. Oh, we long for romance and irreplaceble role  in a great story; we long for beauty. But that's not the life we have." (Elderedge, Captivating).  I convinced myself that those things were made for movies and that my feelings were the result of watching one too many.  In effect, this was not reality.  I never even told anyone how I felt. 

Today, I am still looking and longing for Prince Charming.  I am still waiting for someone who would love me enough to pursue me.  I am still waiting to be romanced, and I have learnt that this is not abnormal.  It is simply a reflection of my heart...a woman's heart.

Still Applies to today

Back in 2006 I sent this email to my friend in response to waiting on my “own”.  She meant Own Husband. Here is what I said

“U know what I have began to do...pray for him. I don’t know his name, but I pray for him.  I am reading Proverbs 31 Man by Michelle McKinney Hammond (another great read btw) and  I am inspired to cover my "own" in prayer because God knows the vision I have of him.  The people perish for lack of a vision - so start envisioning your “own”, and as you do you begin to pray for him.  God is not slack concerning his promises towards us.  He has promised to supply all our needs - to give us the desires of our hearts.  Jesus lives to petition God for us, if we go through Him - so begin dialogue about your "own".”

Earlier that same year I had sent this to all the single ladies I had in my inbox, and even a few guy friends as well.  Here is a peek of that email:

Hi Ladies,
I have been reading this book called Secrets of an Irresistible Woman. It is all about knowing who you are as a woman of Principles and knowing how to recognize the husband from a biblical stand point. Needless to say it contradicts the norm of society today, but the word of God is applicable to any era. From it I was inspired to write the criteria for my husband. Mind you, I never really thought about it before. I was actually trying to explain to my uncle and these words formed in my head. So, as always with all my revelations, I am praying that you my single sisters and friends will be likewise inspired to find out what your SOP of a husband will look like and prayerfully seek God's wisdom on your choice. Be blessed always.

SOP for My Husband

I don't just want A man; I want The man God intended for me.

The man that I fit, matching him like his lost rib.

The man to whom I was made to be his "help meet"

The man made to love me as he loves Christ and himself. 

A man of valour to whom I am his virtuous woman. 

I want a man that will be the priest and authority in the home. 

A man that will be accountable to the Holy Spirit for his actions towards me and our children.

I want a man who can understand the language of love and who can show me the love that I need. 

A man who will speak like Solomon to the Schunamite woman, praising my curves, my spirit, my mind.

I want a man that is willing to find me and receive the full favour of God. 

A man who understands that his blessings are wrapped up in me his wife.

Hiden

I see me sitting behind a wall of people, who are protecting me against things being thrown at me. I see their hands raised over my head, sheltering me from rain drops of fire. I see how a parent would place their child behind them - to protect them from facing danger. I see God being my refuge and shelter as I call on His name. I see this and I know that you needed to hear that He is your refuge, your strong tower, your shield and your shelter, your present help intimes of trouble, your God!

---

HE HIDES ME

He hides me

I stand behind his shadow

My refuge, my strong tower

He hides me

He hides me

From the blows and arrows directed at me

My shield, my protector

He hides me

He hides me

From the storm that rages in my life

My present help, my shelter

He hides me

He hides me

From the lips that curse me - commissioned to destroy me

My counselor, my lover

He hides me

He hides me

I can see him taking the blows

He shelters me

I can see him fighting in the rain

He hides me

Prayer

Before God – Prayer of a Saint

I sometimes wonder what you see in me.

What makes you stay with me

When all others have left me behind.

Sometimes I don’t know what things I think of –

Persistent and Strong

Confusing and wrong.

Lord, should it be always like this for me?

Struggling, unsure of exactly what I am doing?

I’m tired of what I’m feeling.

My past seems always in my present.

I know I’ve been forgiven.

Why do I act as if I’m beaten?

Father, your hands are what I need.

I’m falling won’t you rescue me?

Forgive me for my doubt.

I’m trying to exercise faith.

My words testify

But my mind remains unchanged

Father how I need you

To make it through the day

Lord Please don’t leave me

Help me find my way

Father I do love you

I hope that means a lot

For without you I am nothing

Please help me to be strong

In Jesus Name

Amen.

Captivating

Once again I am at this place in my life where I feel exposed and very fragile. I feel my most vulnerable before God right now. I have been reading this book by John and Staci Eldredge called Captivating, and it has been quite the journey.  I am usually a fast reader and can get through any fictional novel in a night if it really holds my imagination. This book has taken me weeks to come not quite to the middle of it. It's not what you think at all. It is a really good book; it is a book that requires you to pause and simmer the ideas, meditate and reflect.  It causes you to stop and pray, cry, think and even smile and dare to feel special and loved. It disturbs my façade and exposes lies with truth. It does what it promises – unveil the mystery of a woman’s soul.

I realize that this may sound like a paid review, but I assure you, this is all voluntary and without the knowledge of the authors who will perhaps never see this blog. 

God has been using the words written from this couple to tear me apart - in a good way. For me, it has been an exercise of going through all the crust and yuck that has been my covering since I was a child. It hurts a lot to have it removed. So, I have been crying a lot, as God brings memory after memory to me. He has been pouring balm into the wounds exposed and cleaning me up.  I didn't even know that I would be affected so much when I picked up the book.

In a way, perhaps that is not so true.  I have had access to this book for quite a while. It has been sitting on the shelf of our book case, sending me invites to read whenever I come around. I would pick it up - drawn to it and then replace it with another "lighter" read.  I really didn't want to explore the Unveiling mystery of my soul at all.  So years, yes years, went by and the book remained unread.

Not this year.  This year, I am going through this journey - to the end. On a side note I should confess that I have started a dozen books that challenge me, and always I seem unwilling to go it to the end.  I was never ready to get through the hard stuff.  I did complete Beth Moore's book on Insecurity. That one I listened to, and she made me feel like we were just girlfriends gabbing. It was easier to take and I am so glad I did.

My love of the printed word allows me to gain so much more than if I was just told something. I get to see it time and again in seconds and so for some reason it is more powerful to me. 

I want to share my journey with you. I want to invite you to walk with me as I go through this unveiling process of my soul.  Some things are too hard to say, and will remain just between myself and God. However, I feel that benefit is to be gained if I do tell you what I have learnt and experienced.

I am hoping that you will be inspired to run to the bookstore and purchase your very own copy of Captivating Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul.