Captivating lesson: To Be Romanced

Growing up and even now, I have enjoyed reading and watching stories where the woman is rescued and loved by her hero.  I have been captivated by romance stories, dreaming of one day being in my very own.  I have longed to be romanced, to be sought after, to be persued, to be fought for and to be cherished.  I am not so sure that this is a popular feeling among today's women. They all seem so strong and independent.  Nowadays, the very idea of being vulnerable may very well be a sign of weakness and no-one is inclined to be weak.  Yet, I beleive that this is all just  a very well placed mask upon all our faces.  I agree with Staci Eldredge when she writes "Now, being pursued isnt all that a woman wants....but dont you see that you want this?  To be desired, to be pursued by one who loves you, to be someone's priority?  Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after.  At some core place...every woman wants to be seen, wanted and pursued.  We want to be romanced."

After reading that, I felt less like an alien and more like a woman.  My desires are not strange or unique.  I bet if you were honest with yourself, you would admitt the same thing.  I am reminded of a time in my life that I thought I would never get over - the break up of my relationship with my son's Dad. Even now I think of how long I wasted away, wallowing in self pity and eating myself into oblivion.  My addiction became food.  My misery was not lessened but only grew more, along with my waistline. 

We broke up right before we were to be married. He didnt fight for me. He didnt come after me and I felt so unworthy.  I felt like I was the supporting actress and the stars of the movie were other people...other people that were more beautiful and more deserving of that status.  I wanted to be the heroine. Yet, for years I didnt think I Qualified.    It got to the point where I didnt even think it was possible to get that kind of attention from a man.

Let me explain, I knew God loved me.  He was the one who got me through this break up and seven long years of pain that came with it.  (Dont ask and I wont tell).  But I didnt think that a man would ever pursue me or romance me .  "The desires of a woman's heart and the realities of a woman's life seem an ocean apart. Oh, we long for romance and irreplaceble role  in a great story; we long for beauty. But that's not the life we have." (Elderedge, Captivating).  I convinced myself that those things were made for movies and that my feelings were the result of watching one too many.  In effect, this was not reality.  I never even told anyone how I felt. 

Today, I am still looking and longing for Prince Charming.  I am still waiting for someone who would love me enough to pursue me.  I am still waiting to be romanced, and I have learnt that this is not abnormal.  It is simply a reflection of my heart...a woman's heart.