I am learning

How does a parent watch their child go down a path of destruction and stand aside to allow them to figure it out on their own?  How does a parent stop shielding their child from the cold reality of this world, to allow them to live and function in it?  How does a parent respond to an adult child that says I am starving?  I put these questions out there because I don’t yet have the answers to them.  I am learning and perhaps ten years from today I will be able to respond.  Today, I am not there. 

My son has been living in Calgary, AB since July of this year.  He bought his ticket, one way, and said “Mom, I am moving to Calgary.”  I just realize that I have an empty nest.  While he has been away, I must say I have had to allow him to grow up.  James MacDonald once said that when kids are young, spanking them will not hurt you as much as it does when they are older and you have to watch them making mistakes that you cannot prevent.  That rips your heart out more than anything else.   I took a look at his bank account last week and saw his spending activity.  I saw how he spent money on fast food, clothing, phone repairs and taxi cab.  I took out my phone, ready to give him my unsolicited advice.  I was ready to tell him the folly of his ways.  Wisdom, however, said leave him.  That was hard.

This week I did send him a text.  I call it a breath check.  His answer was unexpected.  His answer broke my heart. 

Mom: “Hi Ror”

Son: “Hi Mom”

Mom: “How are you?”

Son: “Starving, and you?”

Mom: “No food?”

Son: “No.”

 

When I read that, I felt terrible.  I felt like I should have been giving him a top up in his account; I should have taught him the value of a dollar; I should have taught him how to shop for grocery; I should have taught him how to cook; I should have given him better tools for today.  I hurt for him, because I knew that he was not equipped.  I did not equip him for the today that I thought would be much later on – tomorrow maybe.  I wrestled with whether or not it was right to rescue him.  He did not budget and so it led to him being in this predicament.  How was I to help him while still allowing him to face the consequences of his choices?  I eventually decided that I was not going to let him starve today, tomorrow however was up to him.  I gave him a small amount along with some advice that I felt I now had the right to give. 

A friend asked me how I was coping with him being gone. In response I would say only this: “I am learning.”   I am learning, as much as he is, to trust the things I did teach him and to wait for him to come to me for assistance in the things that I didn’t.  I am learning to pray more for him.  I am learning to trust God’s plans for him.  I am learning to surrender him to a Father who loves him from before I knew him.  I am learning that it is definitely true when the bible says faith believes in what you don’t see.  I am learning….

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about what we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)