I won't let go until you bless me

I won’t let go

What about me Lord?  When will it be my turn?  Tell me, is there a time when you have said this very same thing?  You know, the time your friend came and was telling what God did for them and you wondered silently, Lord what about me? 

I know this has been my questions even as I smiled and congratulated my friend.  It has been a running thought even as my lips said I am so happy for you and I lifted my hands in thanksgiving for that person that is in their season of plenty.  I am wondering now if I may be the only one.  Is it wrong to ask God these things? 

Some months ago, I was thinking of my sister. I started to sing a song that God gave me and it asked

“What will become of me?  What will I do?  Where is the help the Oh God that only comes from you....Where is the beauty from my ashes? Where is the healing from the pain? Where is the joy everlasting?”

I wrote those words down as I sang them and today it is fitting to me.  What about me Lord?  When is it going to be my turning around? What about my blessing?

I have found one other person whose life speaks to what I am asking now. Jacob.  Jacob wrestled with God and it was as if in that time he was asking him these questions.  He wanted something from him and he was relentless in his pursuit of God’s blessings.

The question I ask myself is am I relentless in my pursuit of God’s blessings.  I want what he has for me but am I willing to seek His face?  Am I willing to put aside my agenda and invest my time into His word?  More often than I am proud of I don’t look for Him.  I don’t try to find His will for me. I don’t seek him to find Him.  Yet, I moan and groan Lord what about me.

Today, I want to be like Jacob, wrestling with God, persistent in holding unto Him, unwilling to let Him go.  I won’t let go until you bless me Lord and even then, I won’t let go.