I exhale again

My son turned 18 yesterday.  It was one of those moments I felt like I have been holding my breath for, anticipating this day and all that it would imply.  In 2009, I started a journal for him, just for this day. It was fitting that the last few pages of it would be about this new phase of life for him.

I know to many, this just sounds like a whole lot of rambling and of little worth. But if you understood the journey that led to today you would appreciate it more.  My son and I have been around some sharp corners, and had it not been for God’s grace I dare say that we would have fallen over the precipice many a time.   Grace was enough and it was sure; God’s grace. 

Parent’s you understand, don’t you?  When that little baby is born, you imagine them succeeding at everything. You imagine how they would run and play. You imagine how they will be that student that gets the grades. You imagine that they would just naturally follow the path of success in all they do. You imagine the first date, the prom, the post secondary years, the marriage, the grand kids. At some point in time, you see the picture before you of their lives and it is perfect.  When things don’t go that way it becomes a daunting reality.

As the years rolled up into one, I have found more and more that my desire for RKR has become centered upon one thing only.  I want him to know Christ for himself.  I want him to hear Christ for himself. I want him to serve Christ for himself. That for me would be success. I know that in Christ all things are possible to Him. I know that in Christ, he will find wisdom. In Christ he will make it, even when the road is hard and awful. In Christ he will be the man of integrity and valour he was purposed for; he will be the son, Husband and Father that is needed today.  In Christ alone, he needs to stand.

So now that he is 18, I cling even more tightly to hope.  I beg God to help me to overcome my unbelief, just like the Father in Mark 9 who brought his son to Jesus.  Most importantly, I exhale and release him once again to Christ.