Decisions

“The Decision May Make Itself For Us…”

In talking to a friend of mine, these words came out of our conversation, “The Decision May Make Itself for Us”.  When taken out of the long email I sent and placed alone, they really stood out.  I have seen this happen so often in my life, there is not enough time to tell of them all.

I suppose that this is not a unique occurrence and if you cared to share, you would be able to to say “girl I have a few times where that was the case”.  Maybe you were like me and my friend, where you were thinking of purchasing a new car. You were praying about such a large purchase, and trying to decide when and how much and the list of checks we make for ourselves.  But then the decision no longer became yours, your car died (forever) or you had an accident that killed the car.  Now you have to buy a car, ready or not.  

I was also thinking about the church. I have been thinking about where I am really supposed to be attending. I am sure I am not the only one that has that question pop up from time to time.  Or perhaps you have never thought of that.  But maybe that decision is not yours but God’s.  I looked at the church back in Acts.  It has been recorded that the gospel was able to spread because the people were being persecuted and fled. The decision was not theirs, but it made itself for them.  

My purpose in sharing today is simple.  We can rest our decisions in God.  We worry ourselves too much about the details.  God has a way of helping us along in the things that matter most.  That means You and everything that you face.  You matter most to Him.  Whether we come to our conclusions by fire or calm waters, we can trust Him completely for the results.

Keep praying and listening to what God says….He will direct your steps.

God's VOICE

I’m here waiting, listening, eager

I anticipate it, long for it; desire it with all my heart

My heart beats swiftly 

My lips cannot help but smile as I wait

Waiting is not hard

When you know what you are waiting for

I know that it will come and soon

For it never tarries, it’s never delayed

Then in the stillness I hear it

HIS VOICE

He speaks and His words are like fire,

Burning out the unholy

I didn’t know how dirty I was

Until He spoke and I saw myself

And fell on my knees and wept

For I am a man of unclean lips

And I dwell in the midst of people who are also unclean

He speaks and his words are like rain

Falling upon a parched dry land

I didn’t know I was dry

Until His voice washes over me

And I am quenched

He speaks and his words are like oil

Soothing away the pain, the hurt, the sadness

I didn’t know I was hurt

Until his voice soothed away pains

That had woven its way into my very character.

His words are like fire – burning

His words are like rain – quenching  

His words are like oil – soothing

I’m here waiting, listening eager once more…..
Written by Claudia Althea

Captivating Lesson: He Loves Us

Last night I was reading Captivating by John and Staci Elderedge, and a truth that was revealed exposed a lie that has for a long time masqueraded itself as the truth.  That sounds like the work of our enemy does it not?  I felt so sad because I had believed the lie that I felt.  It told me I didn’t captivate anyone. I didn’t make my ex not cheat, another person whom I loved couldn’t even tell me I was beautiful, and then other men were just interested in one thing.  No-one was captivated enough by me to dare to rise up to romance me, protect me or become the hero for me.  Friends, I was weeping (hence why it takes so long to read this book).  I blurted out “God, all of this was there?  I didn’t realize that…I thought I had it all together” and then I cried some more.  I closed the book then and went for a walk. I had thrown my pearls before swine and was trampled by them.  Jesus did warn us not to do that in Matthew 7.  I tell you also that the wounds from being trampled leave permanent bruises.

Staci and John didn’t say that the feelings were irrational and unwarranted. In fact they agreed that the way I was feeling was very real.  However, the verdict of them was a lie.  I guess the message didn’t get translated until this morning. I drove into work and one of my favorite songs played from my CD, He Loves Us – David Crowder Band.  The lead singer crooned out the words that had me tearing up again, as I realized I was captivating to someone.  “He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy….”

God is the one that sings and dances over me. He rejoices over me.  He is captivated by me.  He is my hero and he is the only one that can complete me.  What I thought I was missing, I had all along.  He loves me.

DAVID CROWDER BAND LYRICS

"How He Loves"
(originally by John Mark McMillan)

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Does God Hear Us When We Pray?

Papa Can You Hear Me?

In speaking with a friend of mine I received a fresh revelation. It was one of those moments where the words coming out of my own mouth were in fact teaching me something I never knew before.  Do you know what I mean?  She was talking about prayer. She had prayed for something, but in fact the opposite happened.  I believe it left her questioning herself, not God.  We get like that, where we have to reason things out for ourselves, to make it neat and tidy. Something like this happens and we explain it away with thing like; I was too presumptuous in thinking I could change God’s mind; He doesn’t have to listen to me; my problem was not big enough.  The scenarios of responses could fill a book and more.  As I listened, God spoke…His Word spoke is more accurate.

John told us that we can be confident in approaching God, “¹⁴ This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. ¹⁵ And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1John 5:14-15)  If we believe that He doesn’t hear us we have already allowed doubt to enter and we know that the double minded man will not get anything from God (James 1:8).  We also know that our prayers are effective.  Did James not write to us about the end results of prayer?  He said they “avail much” (James 5:16).

All this is well and good, but perhaps you remain uncertain about praying. Maybe you are right now making a thousand excuses and reasons why God doesn’t answer.  You remain unconvinced that He hears you.  You may think that He hears others but surely not you. Listen to one who did not walk with Jesus initially, but in fact persecuted all who stood for Him. Paul the apostle wrote in his letter to the Romans that “²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” (Rom 8:26-27)  Friends, Holy Spirit Himself prays in us…He sometimes fills our mouth with words to pray and sometimes it is too deep for words. God hears and searches out those prayers and answers them all.  So be confident when you pray, for God hears you. 

Captivating Lesson: Opening up to the Romancer

The last time I spoke about discovering that every woman some where inside of them wants to be romanced.  Did I tell you that I sat and watched The Last Mohicans after I posted that?  It was with different eyes that I saw all the characters, each playing such a defined role of masculinity and femininity.  A man motivated beyond his own strength by the love of his woman. Wow!  But today, I want to draw your attention in a different direction.  I want you to look up; see beyond that physical being of testosterone and muscles.  See instead beloved, the Romancer of the most sincere and genuine stock - God Himself.  God not only knows of our desire to be romanced, but He himself desires to romance us.

Now if you are like me just a tiny bit, you may find the idea of God being your Lover a little uncomfortable at first, maybe even a little weird. You maybe  inclined to stop reading and shake your head at what I am saying. But I urge you to continue with me, I assure you I am heading somewhere good with this.  Don't shut your heart down but listen (read):  "...God says he is our Lover (our bridegroom, our Fiance), and we his bride.  That is the pinnacle , the goal of our redemption...and the most intimate and romantic of all.  If you'll open your heart to the possibility, you'll find that God has been wooing you ever since you were...little..."Captivating, Eldredge. 

For me, that was something that caused me pause. I literally had to put the book down and think about it some more.  God as my Lover; wooing me; romancing me.  What exactly did this look like in my world.  He knows my heart for sure and the things that causes me to be excited or smile with glee.  He has known me for so long and yet here I was unaware of all that He has done for me.  I started looking for his "chocolates and flowers".   "This romancing is immensely personal...scripted for your heart....  We have missed many of his notes simply because we shut our hearts down."Eldredge.  I wanted to open my heart and my eyes to the Romancer.

It was some time later, having read this chapter in the book weeks before, that I looked up and saw his gift to me.  Even now I cant help but smile as I think on it.  I was driving to another meeting and in the midst of gray and over cast skies there was this brilliant blue patch in the sky, with white fluffy clouds and the rays of light shining through.  It looked like it was painted upon the canvas of gray as it stood out in stark contrast.  I knew that this was his chocolate and flowers and my heart was blessed immensely.  This was my personally scripted gift, for my heart.  My breath was stolen by the beauty, and even now words are inadequate to fully describe it all.

My Gift (the best picture I could find to describe it, still not quite right but close enough)

Friends, I will end by saying this, God wants intimacy with you. He "...wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions....  He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and memos, the laundry and lists, ...projects and pain."Eldredge. He is the God who sings songs over you.

Zeph3:17 (NIV)

"The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Prayer Works

17 Hours ago, my 17 y/o son wrote this on his Face book wall.  I left it unedited, as I didn’t want to disturb what he said and how he said it.

 “Your more than wonderfull more than amazing the irreplacable love of my life- My Mom ♥”

UnlikeLike ·  · 17 hours ago ·

Friends, who says prayer doesn’t work. Here in black and white is the proof that God is in the business of changing hearts of stone to hearts of flesh. Before seeing this post, which my sister forwarded to me, I sat in my car and asked myself “why do we pray?” 

I answered the question immediately, “Because prayer works!” 

We pray to get ourselves in line with God’s will and purpose. We pray to strengthen our own faith and belief in God, who is more than able.  It occurred to me that God is not reacting to what we are going through. He is not responding and deciding at each moment what he will do and how he will do it.  The bible says that God finished the work of creation and on the seventh day he rested. (Heb 4:4).  His works have been completed before we were formed.

I want you to be encouraged today.  That situation, or person, or thing that you have been praying about, do not cease in your prayer. It may that when we look up, all that we see is just this tiny cloud, looking like the hand of a man, and we have been praying for rain (1 King 18:44).  But that tiny act, that small change, that seemingly insignificant difference is the sign we seek to go forward.  It is the sign of the spiritual manifesting into the natural. It is the sign of our answer and it simply means Get Ready!  Friend’s the race is never for the swift but for those that will endure till the end.  Get Ready your turn around is coming. 

The Secret

I want to share with you the story of a young man who recently (as in yesterday) went to the funeral of his Dad.  His story has stirred up so much within, I confess that I started crying half way through it. I will tell you why after you read for yourself what he had to say:

Celebration of Life, the Absence of Life

On a beautiful sunny and warm day in Kingston, Jamaica the Sts. Peter & Paul Church did not have enough parking spaces or seats-whether in the church or folding chairs-to accommodate a crowd of 400 plus (on a Wednesday) to bid farewell to Companion, Brother, Husband, Father, Grandfather, Great-Grandfather, Roy Kingsley Barrett.
...please excuse my grammatical elements as I will flip between first and third person point of view...
A Catholic styled, Celebration of Life, began with an open casket placed at the back and entrance of the church with a receiving line of family members. As I entered the church and saw your casket a tear of sadness formed in the corner of my eye and made it to my cheek before I saw her. Her being your wife. She was strong for the guests as they came to pay their respects to you and your family. I shook her hand with a warm and sympathetic heart while expressing my condolences for her lost. She asked who I was, I uttered "Dwayne from Miami".
I am not sure who knows what and if that family even has a clue. In any case, I knew today was not the day to disturb their moments of grievance in attempt to fill my void, your void, in a matter of minutes. "Uncle" Don was there, of course, and was surprised to see me yet happy I decided to come against certain requests. Not to mention this American renting and driving for the first time in JA coming from Ochi to Kingston, but he did it! I did it! As a man, I had to pay my respects to you, dad.
"Uncle" D served as my agent for this occasion. He pointed out your children for me and I saw how I much I resembled them. They are even "red" just like I am...it felt good to see more about myself. I was introduced to one of your kids by "Uncle" D. He stated to one of your sons, "meet a friend", as I shook his hand I said "Dwayne, and sorry for your lost." His reply "Garth Barrett, thanks!" At this point I felt empty, lost and alone because here is my brother, I may never see again, and I couldn't even state that I was more than a friend that I am his brother!
During the tributes I learned alot about you. I always thought you were a good man, never hated you, I just accepted from a child that you were not around and was not going to be. Mom did an excellent job raising me so you were attracted to a great woman! You were heavily involved in politics from a young age, ensured a road was made and paved during your time with Kiwanis, helpful and caring man, a family man, and my favorite was a story about you being punctual. You see dad, I am happy I came to learn things just like this because I wonder where my qualities and way of life has originated from.
One person asked the family to stand during their tribute, although I was already standing at this time, I felt I was not family. I was just a "friend"...
It was now time to close your casket, I took one last look at the man I wish was just there more for me, the man that was a great man according to the tributes and my eavesdropping on various conversations. Dad, the hardest part for me was when the Reverend had the family stand around your casket as they closed, locked it and blessed it with Holy water. They escorted you about 100 feet from the back to the pulpit and while I was filled with joy and the out pour of love from family and friends it hurt me to the core that I stood directly behind your casket at the back of the church as you drifted further away from me being escorted by your family. I saw the sorrow and pain they carried which further confirmed you were a great man. Unfortunately, I had a little more than sorrow and pain of a lost loved one...I had pain of you not being there and being a secret...
Until we meet again, Rest In Peace, Dad!

I cried because I began to think of my sister...the one who was my Dad’s best kept secret. We knew she existed, but no-one even called her name around my house. No-one acknowledged her existence beyond the knowing that she was around – some where.  My Dad, while not unfaithful, had a daughter before my mom and he were married or even met.  She is the daughter of another woman and I have longed to meet her for as many years as I have lived.  I wondered if she was at my Dad's funeral and if she felt just as Dwayne did. I wonder if she waited to say “Hi, I am your sister".  I wondered if she read the program and noticed that her name was absent from his list of children.  I wonder even now, if I will ever have a chance to meet her in this life time or the next.  I don’t have any answers and I don’t even have a name to search for her. My Dad kept her well hidden from us, and now he is gone.  He took with him answers that no-one else can provide and it breaks my heart. 

I am hoping that Dwayne will have a happier ending to his story.  I am hoping that this young man will at least have an opportunity to come from the darkness of his Dad's secret and walk in the light of knowing his siblings and perhaps even forming friendships at long last.

Psalm 95

How do we come before Him?

It is possible that you are very much like me in that you sometimes write out prayers to God.  One morning as I knelt bedside writing such a prayer I caught myself.  Have you ever done that? Just suddenly become aware of whatever it is you are doing?  I examined my position and demeanor as I knelt in the presence of God that morning.  My knees were bent, yes, but nothing else about my body language expressed what I had read just a few short minutes ago.  Psalm 95 said “Come let us sing for joy…shout aloud…come before Him with thanksgiving…and song” (verses 1-2).  Yet, I knelt with hands holding up my head; absolutely no singing and I didn’t even open my mouth to speak to Him.  There was no joy to speak of, and I was no-where near worshiping in Spirit and truth.

I looked and felt like the world and its outcome was shifted to my list of “to do”.  I can almost hear your responses, “what is wrong with being quiet sometimes?”  Friends, nothing is wrong with that at all. But too often, we remain silent and weighed down, even when we come before Him.  I suggest we make a conscious effort to try something different.  The Psalmist says Sing and Shout!  He reminds us that we are the flock under His care.  Our worship can therefore be underlined with thanksgiving and highlighted with Joy!  Come, let us worship and bow down, kneeling before the Lord, Our God, Our Maker.

FOR HE ALONE IS WORTHY

Once again all eyes are focused on the athletes in the throes of Olympics 2012.  It is where the best of the best compete against each other, with one goal in mind – Winning!  Athletes are celebrated and praised.  Spectators eat up information on their favourite pick to win, stirring their passions.  They deem who is worthy of their praise and do so with enthusiastic gusto.  They cheer, scream, jump and spin as they celebrate the chosen recipient of praise. 

As I sit reading through chapter 5 of Revelation, the question arises, who is really worthy?  Who can boast to being truly worthy of praise?  The song of the angels says “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and praise!” (Rev 5:12).  Friends, I am not suggesting that cheering on our athletes or team is wrong; not at all.  What I am saying is that God is even more deserving of our biggest praises. He is the One who sits on the throne, with Jesus, The Lamb, beside Him.   He is the one worthy.  May we be ready to chorus with the angels”… Be praise and honour and glory and power for ever and ever!” (Rev.5: 13) with enthusiasm and great delight!  Let us praise Him today!

Captivating lesson: To Be Romanced

Growing up and even now, I have enjoyed reading and watching stories where the woman is rescued and loved by her hero.  I have been captivated by romance stories, dreaming of one day being in my very own.  I have longed to be romanced, to be sought after, to be persued, to be fought for and to be cherished.  I am not so sure that this is a popular feeling among today's women. They all seem so strong and independent.  Nowadays, the very idea of being vulnerable may very well be a sign of weakness and no-one is inclined to be weak.  Yet, I beleive that this is all just  a very well placed mask upon all our faces.  I agree with Staci Eldredge when she writes "Now, being pursued isnt all that a woman wants....but dont you see that you want this?  To be desired, to be pursued by one who loves you, to be someone's priority?  Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after.  At some core place...every woman wants to be seen, wanted and pursued.  We want to be romanced."

After reading that, I felt less like an alien and more like a woman.  My desires are not strange or unique.  I bet if you were honest with yourself, you would admitt the same thing.  I am reminded of a time in my life that I thought I would never get over - the break up of my relationship with my son's Dad. Even now I think of how long I wasted away, wallowing in self pity and eating myself into oblivion.  My addiction became food.  My misery was not lessened but only grew more, along with my waistline. 

We broke up right before we were to be married. He didnt fight for me. He didnt come after me and I felt so unworthy.  I felt like I was the supporting actress and the stars of the movie were other people...other people that were more beautiful and more deserving of that status.  I wanted to be the heroine. Yet, for years I didnt think I Qualified.    It got to the point where I didnt even think it was possible to get that kind of attention from a man.

Let me explain, I knew God loved me.  He was the one who got me through this break up and seven long years of pain that came with it.  (Dont ask and I wont tell).  But I didnt think that a man would ever pursue me or romance me .  "The desires of a woman's heart and the realities of a woman's life seem an ocean apart. Oh, we long for romance and irreplaceble role  in a great story; we long for beauty. But that's not the life we have." (Elderedge, Captivating).  I convinced myself that those things were made for movies and that my feelings were the result of watching one too many.  In effect, this was not reality.  I never even told anyone how I felt. 

Today, I am still looking and longing for Prince Charming.  I am still waiting for someone who would love me enough to pursue me.  I am still waiting to be romanced, and I have learnt that this is not abnormal.  It is simply a reflection of my heart...a woman's heart.

Still Applies to today

Back in 2006 I sent this email to my friend in response to waiting on my “own”.  She meant Own Husband. Here is what I said

“U know what I have began to do...pray for him. I don’t know his name, but I pray for him.  I am reading Proverbs 31 Man by Michelle McKinney Hammond (another great read btw) and  I am inspired to cover my "own" in prayer because God knows the vision I have of him.  The people perish for lack of a vision - so start envisioning your “own”, and as you do you begin to pray for him.  God is not slack concerning his promises towards us.  He has promised to supply all our needs - to give us the desires of our hearts.  Jesus lives to petition God for us, if we go through Him - so begin dialogue about your "own".”

Earlier that same year I had sent this to all the single ladies I had in my inbox, and even a few guy friends as well.  Here is a peek of that email:

Hi Ladies,
I have been reading this book called Secrets of an Irresistible Woman. It is all about knowing who you are as a woman of Principles and knowing how to recognize the husband from a biblical stand point. Needless to say it contradicts the norm of society today, but the word of God is applicable to any era. From it I was inspired to write the criteria for my husband. Mind you, I never really thought about it before. I was actually trying to explain to my uncle and these words formed in my head. So, as always with all my revelations, I am praying that you my single sisters and friends will be likewise inspired to find out what your SOP of a husband will look like and prayerfully seek God's wisdom on your choice. Be blessed always.

SOP for My Husband

I don't just want A man; I want The man God intended for me.

The man that I fit, matching him like his lost rib.

The man to whom I was made to be his "help meet"

The man made to love me as he loves Christ and himself. 

A man of valour to whom I am his virtuous woman. 

I want a man that will be the priest and authority in the home. 

A man that will be accountable to the Holy Spirit for his actions towards me and our children.

I want a man who can understand the language of love and who can show me the love that I need. 

A man who will speak like Solomon to the Schunamite woman, praising my curves, my spirit, my mind.

I want a man that is willing to find me and receive the full favour of God. 

A man who understands that his blessings are wrapped up in me his wife.

Hiden

I see me sitting behind a wall of people, who are protecting me against things being thrown at me. I see their hands raised over my head, sheltering me from rain drops of fire. I see how a parent would place their child behind them - to protect them from facing danger. I see God being my refuge and shelter as I call on His name. I see this and I know that you needed to hear that He is your refuge, your strong tower, your shield and your shelter, your present help intimes of trouble, your God!

---

HE HIDES ME

He hides me

I stand behind his shadow

My refuge, my strong tower

He hides me

He hides me

From the blows and arrows directed at me

My shield, my protector

He hides me

He hides me

From the storm that rages in my life

My present help, my shelter

He hides me

He hides me

From the lips that curse me - commissioned to destroy me

My counselor, my lover

He hides me

He hides me

I can see him taking the blows

He shelters me

I can see him fighting in the rain

He hides me

Prayer

Before God – Prayer of a Saint

I sometimes wonder what you see in me.

What makes you stay with me

When all others have left me behind.

Sometimes I don’t know what things I think of –

Persistent and Strong

Confusing and wrong.

Lord, should it be always like this for me?

Struggling, unsure of exactly what I am doing?

I’m tired of what I’m feeling.

My past seems always in my present.

I know I’ve been forgiven.

Why do I act as if I’m beaten?

Father, your hands are what I need.

I’m falling won’t you rescue me?

Forgive me for my doubt.

I’m trying to exercise faith.

My words testify

But my mind remains unchanged

Father how I need you

To make it through the day

Lord Please don’t leave me

Help me find my way

Father I do love you

I hope that means a lot

For without you I am nothing

Please help me to be strong

In Jesus Name

Amen.

Captivating

Once again I am at this place in my life where I feel exposed and very fragile. I feel my most vulnerable before God right now. I have been reading this book by John and Staci Eldredge called Captivating, and it has been quite the journey.  I am usually a fast reader and can get through any fictional novel in a night if it really holds my imagination. This book has taken me weeks to come not quite to the middle of it. It's not what you think at all. It is a really good book; it is a book that requires you to pause and simmer the ideas, meditate and reflect.  It causes you to stop and pray, cry, think and even smile and dare to feel special and loved. It disturbs my façade and exposes lies with truth. It does what it promises – unveil the mystery of a woman’s soul.

I realize that this may sound like a paid review, but I assure you, this is all voluntary and without the knowledge of the authors who will perhaps never see this blog. 

God has been using the words written from this couple to tear me apart - in a good way. For me, it has been an exercise of going through all the crust and yuck that has been my covering since I was a child. It hurts a lot to have it removed. So, I have been crying a lot, as God brings memory after memory to me. He has been pouring balm into the wounds exposed and cleaning me up.  I didn't even know that I would be affected so much when I picked up the book.

In a way, perhaps that is not so true.  I have had access to this book for quite a while. It has been sitting on the shelf of our book case, sending me invites to read whenever I come around. I would pick it up - drawn to it and then replace it with another "lighter" read.  I really didn't want to explore the Unveiling mystery of my soul at all.  So years, yes years, went by and the book remained unread.

Not this year.  This year, I am going through this journey - to the end. On a side note I should confess that I have started a dozen books that challenge me, and always I seem unwilling to go it to the end.  I was never ready to get through the hard stuff.  I did complete Beth Moore's book on Insecurity. That one I listened to, and she made me feel like we were just girlfriends gabbing. It was easier to take and I am so glad I did.

My love of the printed word allows me to gain so much more than if I was just told something. I get to see it time and again in seconds and so for some reason it is more powerful to me. 

I want to share my journey with you. I want to invite you to walk with me as I go through this unveiling process of my soul.  Some things are too hard to say, and will remain just between myself and God. However, I feel that benefit is to be gained if I do tell you what I have learnt and experienced.

I am hoping that you will be inspired to run to the bookstore and purchase your very own copy of Captivating Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul.