The Secret

I want to share with you the story of a young man who recently (as in yesterday) went to the funeral of his Dad.  His story has stirred up so much within, I confess that I started crying half way through it. I will tell you why after you read for yourself what he had to say:

Celebration of Life, the Absence of Life

On a beautiful sunny and warm day in Kingston, Jamaica the Sts. Peter & Paul Church did not have enough parking spaces or seats-whether in the church or folding chairs-to accommodate a crowd of 400 plus (on a Wednesday) to bid farewell to Companion, Brother, Husband, Father, Grandfather, Great-Grandfather, Roy Kingsley Barrett.
...please excuse my grammatical elements as I will flip between first and third person point of view...
A Catholic styled, Celebration of Life, began with an open casket placed at the back and entrance of the church with a receiving line of family members. As I entered the church and saw your casket a tear of sadness formed in the corner of my eye and made it to my cheek before I saw her. Her being your wife. She was strong for the guests as they came to pay their respects to you and your family. I shook her hand with a warm and sympathetic heart while expressing my condolences for her lost. She asked who I was, I uttered "Dwayne from Miami".
I am not sure who knows what and if that family even has a clue. In any case, I knew today was not the day to disturb their moments of grievance in attempt to fill my void, your void, in a matter of minutes. "Uncle" Don was there, of course, and was surprised to see me yet happy I decided to come against certain requests. Not to mention this American renting and driving for the first time in JA coming from Ochi to Kingston, but he did it! I did it! As a man, I had to pay my respects to you, dad.
"Uncle" D served as my agent for this occasion. He pointed out your children for me and I saw how I much I resembled them. They are even "red" just like I am...it felt good to see more about myself. I was introduced to one of your kids by "Uncle" D. He stated to one of your sons, "meet a friend", as I shook his hand I said "Dwayne, and sorry for your lost." His reply "Garth Barrett, thanks!" At this point I felt empty, lost and alone because here is my brother, I may never see again, and I couldn't even state that I was more than a friend that I am his brother!
During the tributes I learned alot about you. I always thought you were a good man, never hated you, I just accepted from a child that you were not around and was not going to be. Mom did an excellent job raising me so you were attracted to a great woman! You were heavily involved in politics from a young age, ensured a road was made and paved during your time with Kiwanis, helpful and caring man, a family man, and my favorite was a story about you being punctual. You see dad, I am happy I came to learn things just like this because I wonder where my qualities and way of life has originated from.
One person asked the family to stand during their tribute, although I was already standing at this time, I felt I was not family. I was just a "friend"...
It was now time to close your casket, I took one last look at the man I wish was just there more for me, the man that was a great man according to the tributes and my eavesdropping on various conversations. Dad, the hardest part for me was when the Reverend had the family stand around your casket as they closed, locked it and blessed it with Holy water. They escorted you about 100 feet from the back to the pulpit and while I was filled with joy and the out pour of love from family and friends it hurt me to the core that I stood directly behind your casket at the back of the church as you drifted further away from me being escorted by your family. I saw the sorrow and pain they carried which further confirmed you were a great man. Unfortunately, I had a little more than sorrow and pain of a lost loved one...I had pain of you not being there and being a secret...
Until we meet again, Rest In Peace, Dad!

I cried because I began to think of my sister...the one who was my Dad’s best kept secret. We knew she existed, but no-one even called her name around my house. No-one acknowledged her existence beyond the knowing that she was around – some where.  My Dad, while not unfaithful, had a daughter before my mom and he were married or even met.  She is the daughter of another woman and I have longed to meet her for as many years as I have lived.  I wondered if she was at my Dad's funeral and if she felt just as Dwayne did. I wonder if she waited to say “Hi, I am your sister".  I wondered if she read the program and noticed that her name was absent from his list of children.  I wonder even now, if I will ever have a chance to meet her in this life time or the next.  I don’t have any answers and I don’t even have a name to search for her. My Dad kept her well hidden from us, and now he is gone.  He took with him answers that no-one else can provide and it breaks my heart. 

I am hoping that Dwayne will have a happier ending to his story.  I am hoping that this young man will at least have an opportunity to come from the darkness of his Dad's secret and walk in the light of knowing his siblings and perhaps even forming friendships at long last.