Things are already better

At this very moment, my mind is so full of things to say.  I am like a pregnant woman, waiting to push out that baby, that very wonderful and fearfully made gift of God.  Last night I went through my bills.  The total due added up ever so quickly.  It was not a shock to see that outcome far exceeded income. Every month I attempt to balance the two and it never happens. I borrow from Peter it seems to pay Paul.  Last night was no different in that regards. But there was one envelope which was for me the last straw.  It broke me into pieces.  It was a notice telling me very officially, that my car was captured on the red light camera, breaking the light.  The fine is over $300! 

I was at a loss. I felt completely tapped out of ideas and wisdom was nowhere to be found. I was finally at the point of desperation.  I took all the bills and entered them all in my little book.  I looked at them and fell to my knees. I was overwhelmed.  “God!  I can’t do this anymore!”  I remembered praying that and weeping on the kitchen floor. Roper, the dog, did come by to see what was so interesting on the floor beside me.  He must have seen I had nothing, for off he went to a better space.

I didn’t have anything eloquent to add to that prayer. I just knew that I was not able to do this.  I was not able to make things work this time. I had no more resources. I was already over my line of credit. The credit cards are already maxed out. The loan bills are still due, and so is the mortgage. Add to that, my sister just got fired last week Thursday and I was just a mess.  Where was my faith?  It was very very very small.  I still had enough to believe that God could help. I still believed that He was my very present help in times of trouble.  I was just so weakened by it all.  In hind sight, the morning after, I believe that I am finally looking at the right source – HIM, not me.

God is so good to me.  As I sat at my desk, the phone rings and it is my friend Alex from New York. He didn’t even waste time on the usual pleasantries but got straight to his purpose.  He had witnessed a sign from God, and he was in wonder!  He had witnessed for himself that God is with us, even in the storm, or better yet, especially in the storm.  He had driven home praying he said, in the down pour of winter snow storm.  Parking his car, he left it without a thought. After several hours he decided to look at how much snow had fallen and was rewarded for his curiosity.  There on the car’s roof was a cross in the midst of the snow.  He was blown away. He went to see if this was the work of kids, or a cat or bird. (His words not mine).  He couldn’t logically see how this was there and no foot prints or finger prints were left.  He said he got chills from his observation. He knew that this was God’s message to Him and all that will listen to his retelling of it.  God is real; He is with him.  He is with me. 

 

He continued telling me his testimony that quieted within me the anxiety I was feeling the night before.  Tears were streaming down my face, for I knew at that moment, this was my sign and wonder.  He said, if you pray about something, why are you worried about it?  God owns everything. He will work it out. Leave it with Him.  He told me how he was in financial problems and after praying my exact prayer, God came through for him. He said he has seen too much to deny God’s existence and power. He said once you have a hold on Him, do not let go. He said, there is nothing in this world…God is all that is worthy. 

Friends let me echo Alex Wolf, for God alone is worthy.  I don’t know exactly how my bills will be paid, but God is definitely able to do what is impossible.   He invites us to trust him and obey him. He is faithful. He is the God who always causes us to triumph.  Things are already better.