This test is your storm - hold on

My soon to be 19y/o son informed me that he had bought himself a one way ticket to Calgary. He is leaving home – now. He told me this while I stood over my sister’s hospital bed and have been standing for the last 4 hours in ER.  Talk about timing.  His decision, good or bad, has left the family reeling. He has not discussed anything with us and the way he has chosen to go about it, has caused hurt feelings from those closest to him. 

 

I have had conflicting emotions about this whole thing.  I felt that I wasn’t able to lose my cool because my family members had already taken that route and I was left with the role of consoling and encouraging them.  I have felt annoyed that he chose now to do this when things are already so strained with one of our own being sick and hospitalized. I have felt hurt.  I felt that he was running away from the home I made for him.  I have felt resignation.  Today, after five days to process things, I feel God’s peace. 

 

God spoke over my son's life years ago, months ago, and weeks ago.  He knew this day was coming. He did not stand with limited eye sight, but He saw the end and yet He spoke.  He spoke life concerning my son, not death. He spoke promises of a good future, not curses.  He has my son.  His spirit and Hand remains as He has said – upon Him.  The great thing about God is that He doesn’t speak to hear himself speak. His word is His word, and it will not return to Him void. He will accomplish what He said. When he speaks he sees the end.  He knows all things. Yes, God’s plans for him still stands. Yes, God will work out those plans he has for his life Himself. God is not blindsided and is very much prepared. Already He knows the outcome even if we have no clue.

 

I know my sister is hurting from this, and as I sent her the lyrics from the song by TD Jakes Potter’s house choir I knew a moment of truth.  This test is your storm, but it won’t be long. Go through, hold on.  This is only a test, so what do I do?  I respond today believing that the promises of God are still true.

 

THIS TEST IS YOUR STORM – TD JAKES

 

I have listened to you, I have heard your request,
I've come to tell you that it's only a test;
just hold on through your storm be strong,
just hold on, this test is your storm,
but it won't be long, go through, hold on.

Verse 2
So your daughter won't hear you,
your son could care less,
seems they've done all to hurt you, but it's only a test;
just hold on through your storm be strong,
and hold on, this test is your storm,
but it won't last long, go through, hold on.

Chorus
(Don't you know the darkest time in your life is)
just before the break of dawn.
(All your battles I will fight if you just)
just hold on, hold on, hold on.

Not My Will Lord But Thy Will Be Done

It has been quite a journey for us.  Hmmmm.  That is more like a big sigh. 

My sister has ended up in the hospital.  I believe I have been documenting Kal’s journey with her health since it began, about two years and counting.  One week to the day, she and I just spoke about how her “break through” was coming soon.   I had taken her to the clinic for blood work and she got out of the car to a pain that was crippling – literally.  She couldn’t move and was in tears bent over on the side walk.  She couldn’t support her own body.  It was by God’s grace that the right people came along and we were able to lift her into the house. 

I knew that lifting her in and out of bed to use the bathroom was not the answer to the problem we now faced.  Monday was coming and with it – work. I was not going to be able to do this indefinitely. Something was wrong and we needed help.  So here we are today, one week later, at the hospital.  Friends, I realize something, man is limited. They don’t know everything and even with degrees, hours of practical training and big titles, their knowledge, our knowledge, is not infinite.  We are not able to see the big picture that includes every possible outcome from every possible choice. We make educated guesses – at best. 

 

A chiropractor came to see her yesterday. He breezed into the room with confidence and authority. He didn’t need us to tell him he knew his stuff, he told us himself. He said “By the way that I am talking you can see I know my stuff”.  He assured us that he had the best clinic, and was friends with the best surgeons. He had better contacts he said than most.  He certainly laid out for us his resume and qualifications.  He breezed out just as he came in – with confidence and authority. I could have applauded his performance – it was that good. Today, I sit and think that man is wise in his own eyes. 

There is a way that seems right to man, but the end leads to destruction.  Lord knows that we are not looking for that path.

 

It is with every fibre of my being that I am saying God, not my will, but your will be done.  Last night, I replayed the conversation in my mind.  I found myself awake often and there it would be again and again.  God, is this your will?  Is the guy that will be the change we need?  Will this bring Kal back to wholeness?

 

I don’t know, but I am confident that God knows.  We talk about trusting Him and this is our day to proof it.  Someone sang, I have no other choice but to trust Him.  I echo that line, I have no other choice, but more so, I am not looking for another option.  God is still God. He opens doors that no man can shut and closes those that no man can open.  His word is sharp and will not return to Him void. He said we are victorious, we are healed by His son Jesus Christ stripes, we are not alone for Lo, he with us always.

 

He said that we will hear a voice behind us saying this is the way, walk ye in it.  Today, we are listening for His voice to speak.  His will is our choice for Kal. Not my will Lord, but thy will be done.

God is trustworthy

Yesterday morning, I came to work and pulled out my prayer journal with a definite purpose. I was going to pray for the people in my office who were still wondering about their future.  As I petitioned God on their behalf I felt that I should ask Him about me also.  I remember going to my closet aka washroom, and just saying to Him Lord whatever you have for me is what I want.  I didn’t know what that looked like but I wanted my heart to be ready to say yes to His will. I said Amen in agreement to His fulfillment of His plans in my life. 

 Before lunch, my boss came to me with an option. He said there is an option to work in the USA for you. It is not something he was telling everyone about but since I had lived there before, I may just fit into this culture better than most here.  He spoke and I listened, all the while talking to God about how surreal this all seemed.  My number one question was God, is this Your will?  Would you ask me to leave all that I know here in Canada and go by myself to the USA?  Would you ask me to leave my family and friends?  Would you do that God?  Yes. He would.  He asked Abraham to leave his father and go to a land that He would show him, a place he had never known before.  Ruth left all that was familiar to her to follow her mother-in-law to a land in which she was a foreigner.  He took Joseph from his home land into a place where he was a stranger.  My point is He can be the source even if I don’t see how it will work together for His purpose in my life, and my good.  However, I am so convinced that just as the bible says, He will fulfill his plans in our lives.

 

We really have to be open to His voice.  We have to trust the fact that God loves us so much that He will not give us something that will cause us to be defeated and destroyed. He will not go against His own word and promises to us.  He loves us too much to leave us the way we are – incomplete and imperfect. However, often times that requires change.

 

This reminds me of yesterday’s life lesson in God’s classroom. I poured some milk on top of a tea bag. The milk was cold and so nothing happened. The milk remained white and the tea bag kept all its essence. I thought then, its when we go through the heat of life that we are changed into something better.  When we go through fire we become refined. When God allows us to go through the trials we become better, stronger, wiser, kinder, and more sensitive to others as we are even more desperate for Christ.

 

I have lived in Jamaica, Florida and Canada.  Even before I knew Him, He has been the thread holding together the fabric of my quilted life. I will trust Him to help me work out the decisions of today that will impact my tomorrow.  He is trustworthy.   Something to chew on. J

 

 

The Lord will work out his plans for your life

I sat down in the basement waiting for the washing machine to finish its cycle a few nights ago.  I thought then, I could use this “down time” to get into the WORD.  I find lately I have been so busy, that my time in it has grown less and less.  I felt hungry for this bread of life, and so I sat at the table to have a bite or two.

I read John and Isaiah because I have been teaching on John at Kidz Club and I wanted to refresh myself on chapter 1.  Once again, I read about John the Baptist.  It struck me that he knew and lived out the purpose of his life.  He knew he was born to be the forerunner of Jesus, to declare to the people that there is One coming that is Greater than him.  He knew he was a witness to the Son of God, the Christ; the Messiah.  His purpose was prophesied by Isaiah hundreds of years before he was born, and he didn’t stray away from his calling. 

All of that just had my mind whirling around and around with questions.  What is my purpose? What am I born to do?  Have I been living it out?  Yes, I laid in my bed asking God those questions as sleep overcame me.  As dawn came about, I still considered John the Baptist.  Do you know that even from his mother’s womb, John was witnessing of the Christ child?  The bible tells it like this in Luke 1:39-45 (NIV):

Mary Visits Elizabeth

³⁹ At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, ⁴⁰ where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. ⁴¹ When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. ⁴² In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! ⁴³ But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? ⁴⁴ As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. ⁴⁵ Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

I wanted that same assurance. I want even now to know, but God’s answer to me was not what I had expected, but it certainly gave me the Peace I needed.  In a devotional the words from the verse pierced through the questions and offered me hope and comfort instantly.  He said,

“The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.” Psalm 138:8.

I don’t know what the Psalmist was feeling when he wrote this or even what he was thinking.  I do know that his words were an answer to my questions.  I didn’t have to know or work out the plans for my life. That job was not even mine, it was God’s.  I am moved to tears because I realize that I was once again trying to take the reins when I had said I would give them to Him.  My family knows I am a little controlling, but this was so different from managing the family gatherings.  He is the One in control, so much so, that He only tells me things in part and not the whole.  My response is to trust Him, and in that trust obey Him (even when the outcome is unknown).  Thank God for his loving correction. Thank God for his promise to work things out, to not abandon me, and for faithfully loving me. 

Be encouraged my friend, God will work out his plans for you also. Let your mind rest on these words and dwell in the covenant of His love and peace.

I Was Prepared

Yesterday I took my sister to her appointment; she was to be assessed for a back to work functionality (I think I may have just made up my own word).  We both went in with apprehension.  I for one didn’t relish the three hour time frame everything would take, and she didn’t look forward to the pain from being pulled, pushed and prodded.  Yet, I was already preparing myself for the day, even while I was ignorant of my preparations.  I will tell you more about that later.

The appointment began in the usual format, with an interview to assess her mental state and to gather information about her medical condition.  Then it got more difficult.  The person (I am unsure of her title), began pulling and pushing my sister which brought tears as wave after wave of pain racked her body.  I could see the weariness in her eyes and I understood that doing much more would be a bad idea.  Yet, this assessment was mandated from her job and she had to follow through or risk being written up for non-compliance or worse, being cut-off from the benefits and termination.  I saw as she gritted her teeth, mentally, to complete all she could do today.

At the next level, they asked her to lift weights, walk with the weights and then push a cart. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back – literally in this case.  She began convulsing in a “seizure like” episode which gave me the boldness to say, “That’s it! We are done.”  Thankfully, the therapist gave no resistance as I doubt she wanted the liability of something going terribly wrong just to get the job done.

Now, remember how I said I was prepared? Here is what I meant.  Upon hearing about the appointment, I began to think about all that could go wrong. I began to visualize the pain she would experience because we have been through this before.  I began to put faith in my fears of all that could go wrong.  However, a bible study class made me realize that faith in fears was not fruitful.  I needed to see the grapes and not the giants.  I needed to see that my God was bigger than anything that was, is to come or would ever come my way.  I needed to trust that He that was in me was greater than he that was in the world.  The days leading up to the appointment I was renewing my mind.  I was being washed with the word of God, for his word is truth.  The verses of truth rolled around in my mind and I spoke out loud to myself, thereby increasing my faith as faith comes by hearing the word of God.

When my sister’s body decided it had had enough, I was in control. I was not overcome by fear, and was able to react with wisdom underscored by a peace that surpassed my understanding. Things could have ended worse, but it didn’t.  I believed and declared that God was with us then, and that he would even use this for our good.  I declared that we were not disadvantaged nor put to shame. The verse that was given to me in the morning came swiftly to my mind, Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Cor.15:57).  I was prepared.