Teenage Love By Latoya Davis

Hi Today
Bye Tomorrow
Chilling on Monday
Enemies on Friday
Why are you so hot & cold?

Texting all night
Now not texting at all
With no reason
No argument
No fight
Why are you so hot & cold?

Laughing for hours
Now wiping warm tears
Long lovable hugs
Now feeling so weird
Why are you so hot & cold?


Great moments become awkward
Smiles are now frowns
Fighting to be okay with it
Working to just not care
The fact that you are okay
Is really unfair
Why are you so hot & cold?

I miss you, I really do
But now nothing can be done
I remember when I thought
You were the one
Why are you not upset?
How can you just not care?
It's as if I was never here
Why are you so hot & cold?

I am not going to cry

I just heard some awful news. It seems that we are in a nightmare that keeps on going.  When do we wake up? when does morning come and joy begins?  In these times it seems like God is far away.  Even as I write those words I know that they are not true. God is here and will always be here. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.  Yes, I still want to cry. I want to scream. I want to stomp my feet and yell out this is not fair!  I want everything to be okay again.  I want her to be well again. I want to understand what is going on.  Lord knows I am not giving up.  Yet, I am just so tired of this down.

I know God.  I know God. I know God.

I am not going to cry.

For you daughter

I believe therefore I speak…

I believe you are a woman of tremendous faith. I believe that you believe that God can do the impossible. I believe that you are waiting for the manifestation of His works in you to be revealed to everyone else. I believe that you are at the end of the matter, even though it appears you are farther away to the human eye.  I believe that the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead is in you and we can speak with that same spirit of faith.  I believe in moments like this, where I know you are in agreement and where two people agree on anything as in touching, then God promises that it shall come about. In the set time daughter, it shall come about. I am reminded now of the time frame it took for Abraham to have Issac, for how long it took Issac’s wife Rebecca to become pregnant, for the Israelites to be released from captivity, for Jesus to come the first time after Isaiah prophesied of his coming, for Hanna to have Samuel and I could go on and on.  But at the set time God does as He says he will do.  God has promised you things and you are waiting on them. Don’t look at what you see. They deceive you. Don’t look at when.  Don’t look at how. Look instead to the who that has promised.  He that has called you is faithful. He will do it.

I want to go home

I am so tired
Of sitting around
Waiting on you
To choose to spend
Some time with me

Already all my days have been
Spent hearing and discussing
The woman in your life
WHo has you singing and dancing
To her own drums and off pitched songs

I am ready to leave
To return to normal
Leaving insanity behind
Why did I do this to myself

I am sure this lesson
I will never forget
I cant say for sure
All that I have learnt
I just know I wont be
Doing this again

I want to go home
Lord knows I feel sad enough
Inside to think my dues have been paid

Life certainly doesnt go
As one plans it to be
Life is not the roses and
honey comb after all

But next time I will know better....

Today I am challenged

Today I am Challenged - Jan 22, 2009

 

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

If asked the question "How did you feel when God let you down?", my response to myself would be "God has never let me down". I always felt that I let him down.  But that lie was so blatant my heart sent multiple messages to my brain to indicate the hypocrisy of my thinking.

The truth came as swift as Bolt's dash to the finish line of a 400meter run.  I did feel let down, just as recent as 2008 to start. My friend died and my expectations were for her to continue on in life...to live and not die.  That is scriptural isn't it?  That is the truth, isn't it?

But somehow, and the reason remains elusive, she is no longer here with us.  I have felt that perhaps it was something amiss in my prayers. I felt perhaps God's sovereignty was at work and that's that.  I felt that I let Him down somehow by not recognizing the signs and being aware of the times.  Peter did say be aware of the times so that we may know how to pray.  I missed it - but never God let me down. 

Yet, today I sit unmasked.  Naked and soul baring I realize the duplicity of my emotions.  I am fraudulently representing confidence and non grievance when inside - and not that deep apparently - I felt let down. I felt disappointed.  I felt confused and absolutely blind sided.  I felt shaky.  I fell silent.

Tears wouldn't blur the reality of my position.  I was going against my professed stance of never holding God's deity ransom.  I had spoken those words on many occasions since that Sunday night in 2008.  I was lying to myself and how many others...unintentionally, but still the same effect. 

Today however, I am challenged to consider something far deeper than my own self centered, self righteous, self pity.  I am challenged to consider the God in who I profess to hope and whose words I profess to belief and whose character I profess to know.  I am challenged to think of the God who creates and who, as Job says, has the right to give and to take.  I am challenged to face the steadiness of my commitment, the strength of my faith, the "stickability" of my devotion and adoration and praise to the almighty God.  I am challenged to face the truth of my words "God remains God whether or not He answers my prayers".  I am challenged to relinquish the "I" in my desires and to allow the Him to lead and have supremacy, complete control.  I am challenged to hold on without ever letting go of the hope that I profess and fully knowing, never questioning that the One who has promised is indeed Faithful. 

I am no longer a Victim - Jan 2008

Something happened to me and I have thought to share simply because I feel God moving me to do it so I know for sure you will be helped by my experience.

I dropped a co-worker to his part time job yesterday and this is what occurred. 

We met after work, and immediately started talking.  He was someone I trusted to be with alone, and I felt no apprehension or any discomfort in his presence.  He had presented himself as a man in touch with God and I was even more happy to be blessing him in this way.  For we ought to love one another and to do good without grumbling according to the word of God (1 Peter)

So here we are when of course a Timmy's, (the adults McDonald) called us into it's warmth and fed us with hot chocolate and blue berry muffins.  So far so good.

As we sat there he spoke about his wife and his sisters.  He told me that they too were single moms.  Then he asked if I felt sad that I was single. It occurred to me that I must be saying more in silence than I am communitcating with words.  I told him I was happy and that I was content with who I am and my current status.  So again, he says "naaa  amiga dont talk like that about yourself!"  This clearly called for an eloquent expression my brother says, "Blah?"   So again I said, I am happy.

We proceeded to leave and still so far so good.

Now during our conversation we talked about weight gain and the difference between men and women.  I mentioned that I am still carrying around the baby fat from my 13y/o son, and hence why no muffin for me - just a HC.

So when we stopped I expected him to say Good bye and I would be on my merry way.

Instead he turned around and started to touch me in a way that had me so uncomfortable.  My leg, my stomach, pulling back my jacket and while he was doing this I am sitting there in a vaccum of discomfort.   My friend and trusted amigo was becoming someone else.  He kept saying amiga dont be mad at me and I kept saying I am not but it's time for you to leave.  Youre late for work. 

Eventually he left and I felt so dumbfounded.  I called my friend to get a guys perspective but he was hanging out with his family and not available to hear me.

I wanted someone to explain to me why suddenly I felt like I did something wrong.  Why did I feel so dirty?  Why was I so uneasy...I wanted to crawl out of my head and rest...I was so weary.

Then as the eveneing turned to night, I was angry.  I felt that it was unfair that he made me feel this way. I felt that he and so many others took advantage of me.  Why do these things always happen to me. 

I felt that my reputation was on the line and I imagined the lunch room conversation the next day and became even more enraged and pitiful. Woe is me.

I went to bed thinking about it. I woke up thinking about it.  In my insides I wept.  I felt so victimized. I was hurt.  I trusted him and he betrayed me.  I talked to God in the shower.  I wanted a wipe out.

I remembered that God promised me that vengeance is His.

I came out and still my mind was troubled.

This is so you know where I was and my thought process....woe is me. I am the victim. Obviously this is the 3rd guy at work - I must be doing something wrong.  I must be saying alot in silence and my oblivious ignorance is no longer a defence nor a haven.

So I continued to be tortured in my mind.  When a small voice which I know to be the Holy Spirit said to me Joyce Meyers.

Obedience was easy as I was already standing before the tv and as it powered on I heard her before I saw her "some of you are always thinking "this is not fair!  Why does this happen to me"  When did she get in my head?

But God listens to us, He hears our every thought - He sees even our very heart.  She spoke about renewing our minds and changing the way we think.  We dont have to continue to feel like life is unfair. The battle is in our minds and we have to renew our minds by meditating daily on the word of God. People hurt us but we dont have to live a life where we are mad at people. We dont have to stay in the mess we can get out of it.

I sat there for the next 30 mins soaking in everything. And this time I wept outside and inside.

I was feeling so sorry for myself.  I felt so hurt that I did not even want to be pacified but I wanted to be sympathized with...and have someone agree with me - you were wronged Engada.

I was wronged.  It's not my fault what happened. I didnt do anything to deserve that.  I was in fact helping out a "friend".  But I am not staying in this pity me state of mind. I am moving on.  God is my avenger and He will do what is just. I am not a victim I am a conqueror.  The word of God has said that God's people will not be put to shame, so I am not worried about the lunch room conversations.  My name will only be called with good and not bad.  God is my protector.  I am connected to Jesus and His life is in Me. 

I am not a victim.

These are the words that I have been saying over and over to myself all morning. These are the words that are transforming my mind.  These are the words that piercing like a double edged sword through the fog of misery and oppresive thouughts that were beginning their torturous onslaught on me. 

Ladies, I felt badly and it grew and grew like a bad sore.

But thanks be to God who always comes through. 

I spoke to Him, complained, and urged Him to see what had happened. But He showed me a different picture of what was happening...renew your minds daily ladies. DOnt stay where you are because something bad happened to you.  Get up and get out.  Dont try to get mad and stay mad.  Get glad.

Whatever zaps you of your joy and strength is not of God.  Whatever confuses you (ususally reasoning something out does that) is not of God. He is not the author of confusion.

Dont be a victim, no matter what happened.  People or things may be able to touch our physical bodies, but it ought not to touch our mental being.  We are more than conquerors says the Lord. 

Dont be a victim...be an overcomer.

Loving Him...

Loving Him...

I love you

I can say this freely

For the first time ever

Without the negative reaction

You shy not away

From my emotions expressed

You fear not

My feelings openly displayed

From me to you

I can say what I want to say

No holding back

No censored declarations

Just love and adoration

Finally, and I have sought

I have found the one my soul loves

He whispers to me words that inspire

Touching my senses, melting my defenses

There has been no other

Will never be another

That makes me feel

Just as you do

I love you!

I will say it out loud

No worries of tomorrow

For you wont ever forsake me

I believe in Miracles

I heard a Pastor preach that he has never seen a miracle.  He said that he would like to, but in his heart he doesnt believe that he ever will. I was sad to hear that.  Really sad because for me I believe in miracles. I believe in a God who gives live to the dead. I believe in the impossible being made possible through a God who can do all things.  I believe that God works miracles every day in the birth of a baby, in the acceptance of Jesus, in the sick being made whole, in the forgiveness of sins, in the rising of the sun, and in its going down the same.  I would like to think that I live my life as if everything is a miracle to borrow from Albert Einstein.

I believe that it is not just for the days when Paul and Peter lived and walked on the same sand and dirt as Jesus did.  I know that it is for here and now. For this generation and the next, God can do miracles.  I know that I am believing him now for a miracle. I beleive that my sister will one day walk without a cane.  I believe that miraculously we will be married (I know everybody is doing it, but for us - my sisters and I - it seems like it would have to be a miracle for us to be married). 

I still believe in Miracles.

Nicolas Plano Ristorante - Texas

I had the opportunity to go to an amazing Italian Resturant on my visit to Texas.  I must tell you that it was worth the money that my friend paid for the meal. I had a spicy tomato soup that boasted melted cheese at the surface, with a flat bread seasoned to perfection and accented by cheese (of course).  The main entree was something i still cant pronounce - but in English it was Salmon with a riscotto (not sure of spelling), asparagus and some sauce I cant remember. It was Perfect. 

I wish I could say that was how my night was, but sadly I would be lying.  The meal was everything I could have imagined, and yet the evening was not was perfect.  My cousin's girlfriend made her presence known all night.  Ironically she was not in attendance physically.  But somehow I think it would have been better had we just included her. She was mad because she felt hurt that she was not invited on our dinner trip.  I came all the way from Brampton Ontartio to Dallas Texas only to land in the middle of this.... Crazy right?  You dont even know the half.

But what it made me realize is that our past affects our present and our future.  I dont know what happened to this young lady.  I dont even pretend to understand anything that she has gone through.  I dont understand why my cousin stays with her.  Jesus complex?  (The concept or belief that he can change her by just being there with her - he can save her).  What I do know is that as adults we are just grown up children and at times we rival five year olds with our bad behaviour.

This experience for me has been revealing.  I feel somehow saddened by everything, yet I am hoping that it will be the straw that broke the camel's back and bring about a positive change. I am hoping and praying that God will intervene and rescue them both from what is just an unhealthy situation. I am doing my best to stay out of it and not add any more to the drama that is already more dramatic than soap opera.

This trip, so far has been tiring...emotionally tiring.  I want my cousin to be happy.  I want to scream at him and say OPEN your eyes. I want to...yeah I know.  I cant do anything other than pray.  That is it.  That is the best option and I intend to take it.  He is after all, my friend forever!  (A little bit of corny is good anytime).

LOVE

I am sitting here and the idea of love is permeating my thoughts.  That word has been used so casually I feel that over the years it has lost its meaning.  Whatever happened to the love that is patient and kind?  Now love is just the way some-one describes their feeling.  It is the word that is used in place of lust.  It is the euphoria from that sexual high, misplaced and totally abused.  Love. 

Kirk Franklin sang, Love, a word that comes and goes, though few people really know what it means to really Love somebody.

I agree, so few people know what it means to love.  I realize I am rambling, because in my mind I have a thousand thoughts.  I want to say much more than this but I cant right now.

But think about it, what does love mean anymore to you?  We have even changed the spelling to Luv ya, a sure sign of the devaluing of its relevance.  We as a people (so i dont excclude myself) have missed the point of God's intent.  Yes, i bring God into this because God is Love and if we have not God we have not love.  How can we say that we have this Love when we dont know the one who is the very essence of it?

Just think about it. This is to whet your appetite, and promote thinking.  Love....