Today I am challenged

Today I am Challenged - Jan 22, 2009

 

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

If asked the question "How did you feel when God let you down?", my response to myself would be "God has never let me down". I always felt that I let him down.  But that lie was so blatant my heart sent multiple messages to my brain to indicate the hypocrisy of my thinking.

The truth came as swift as Bolt's dash to the finish line of a 400meter run.  I did feel let down, just as recent as 2008 to start. My friend died and my expectations were for her to continue on in life...to live and not die.  That is scriptural isn't it?  That is the truth, isn't it?

But somehow, and the reason remains elusive, she is no longer here with us.  I have felt that perhaps it was something amiss in my prayers. I felt perhaps God's sovereignty was at work and that's that.  I felt that I let Him down somehow by not recognizing the signs and being aware of the times.  Peter did say be aware of the times so that we may know how to pray.  I missed it - but never God let me down. 

Yet, today I sit unmasked.  Naked and soul baring I realize the duplicity of my emotions.  I am fraudulently representing confidence and non grievance when inside - and not that deep apparently - I felt let down. I felt disappointed.  I felt confused and absolutely blind sided.  I felt shaky.  I fell silent.

Tears wouldn't blur the reality of my position.  I was going against my professed stance of never holding God's deity ransom.  I had spoken those words on many occasions since that Sunday night in 2008.  I was lying to myself and how many others...unintentionally, but still the same effect. 

Today however, I am challenged to consider something far deeper than my own self centered, self righteous, self pity.  I am challenged to consider the God in who I profess to hope and whose words I profess to belief and whose character I profess to know.  I am challenged to think of the God who creates and who, as Job says, has the right to give and to take.  I am challenged to face the steadiness of my commitment, the strength of my faith, the "stickability" of my devotion and adoration and praise to the almighty God.  I am challenged to face the truth of my words "God remains God whether or not He answers my prayers".  I am challenged to relinquish the "I" in my desires and to allow the Him to lead and have supremacy, complete control.  I am challenged to hold on without ever letting go of the hope that I profess and fully knowing, never questioning that the One who has promised is indeed Faithful.