I Still Believe

So yesterday morning I woke up with pain in my hand.   I got dressed and somehow got to work.  I had expected the pain to cease as it always did time and time again.  I have been given a diagnosis of carpal tunnel.  My hands burn and I am not able to press on one side of my body in sleep mode.  I have numbness and you will find me doing a lot of hand shaking to bring ease to my discomfort. That has been life and so I expected the numbness with the pain of the morning to simply right itself.


I got to my parking lot at the office and I realized I couldn't turn the key that was in the ignition.  I had already used my left hand to bring the gear from drive to park mode.  I could not get my fingers to grip and the pain was not easing but becoming worse.  It was then I felt the tears threatening.  Well, they didn't just threaten but they fell and broke me apart.  I was undone and the strings of music from my impromptu pity party was in full blast. 


A friend of mine saw me and asked the simple question of "how are you?"  which had me hugging her and weeping.  I continued this "weep session" in my office with a desperate urge to lie on the ground in a full blown tantrum.  I was not sure why my response to this situation was so over the top.  I suppose I was afraid.  Well, there is no supposing, I was afraid with no grey areas.  I was afraid of what my tomorrows would bring.  I was really terrified that the swollen unfolding hand was my new normal.  D said I was tired and stressed and this was perhaps why I was so emotional.  I cant say for sure but thankfully it ended after I| was told to take some pain killers and be kind to myself.


I left work early and had myself a "talk session".  What was the matter with you? It is not that bad and this will only be a short problem.  While it was not great it was not the worst.  It was just life. Deal with it I told myself.  There are so many others that are worse and they certainly are not standing around waiting for help.  They get up and get moving....they are the ones that get it done!


I was over it.  Over the drama I was creating for myself. 
I was over it.  Over the crying and pity parties. 
I was over it!


I went on with life.  I stopped focusing on my pain and just believed in my God.


I want to say that the morning after I am able to use my hand.  I am able to type this blog.


I am able and for all of that I| give God praise.  He remains the miracle worker and wows me again and again!  I still believe!