Why have I made it so hard to forgive?

I don't throw stones at anyone for I have been guilty of this very sin - unforgiveness.  The spell check tells me this is not a word and I agree.  In our culture it is not the norm to forgive swiftly.  We don't acknowledge that there is a need to forgive others.  We don't see the devastation of not letting things go.

I heard the sad declaration of my uncle who refuses to forgive his daughter as he says "I would rather go to Hell than to forgive her".  I hear the words of my sister as she refuses to let things go and builds the walls of offense higher and higher as she cries out "Everytime...."  I hear it in my own thoughts as I struggle to forgive my son's dad for wounds freshly received and perhaps not intended.

It is not new knowledge that not forgiving others causes hardness of heart and impairs our physical health.  Yet, it doesn't seem to make a difference in our responses to each other.  I cringe when I remember the prayer of Jesus to the Father. 

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

Do I have any right to hold someone hostage in my heart?  Do I have any right to deny them forgiveness? I have been forgiven of so much.  I have been given grace and mercy so many times.  I have received, so how can I not turn around and give as much?  Why have I made it so hard to forgive? 

Listen, I turn the spotlight upon myself today and I urge you to do the same.  Examine your heart and ask Holy Spirit to light up the darkness and expose the awful cancer of unforgiveness.  It will never be uncovered by any MRI, but the rays of God are able to see to the heart of all of us.

Friends, lets let it go today.  Make that list and begin to pray

Father show me how to forgive them as you forgive me, In Jesus name.

Contributing to my own problems

Recently I made a nice cup of coffee/hot chocolate in my travel mug.  The few sips I had was delicious to my palette.  Arriving home I grabbed the cup and my hand bag and was trying to grab another huge bag from the back seat when I heard the sound of the mug cover hitting the ground. 
I didn't even remember holding it in my hand.  I didn't realize that as I wrestled with the bag, my mocha was being spilled all over my purse, inside and outside. 

Needless to say, it was a mess.  The mocha that seemed so good in the beginning was now the very source of my problem.  Well, really it wasn't.  I was the problem.  I didn't heed caution nor did I think beyond the immediate need I had to fill. I never anticipated that holding everything at once would be disastrous and cause me more time in the end than it was even worth.  Making two trips would have been a lot cleaner and in the end easier for me.

However, Holy Spirit doesn't miss an opportunity to guide me into truth.  I realized that this spilled coffee drink was an illustration of my life.  I am the root of my own problems most times.  Only I am oblivious to this fact until it makes a mess and I hear for myself the splat of destruction.  I don't realize that while I'm looking in one way, the other side of my life is being destroyed and I am the cause. 

My inattentiveness to my spiritual growth, that good thing, creates problems that could have been avoided.  I would want to say the Devil made me do it but truly that is not the real reason.  I am vulnerable when I am away from the daily disciplines of Christian living.  I become prime target and I am the one to blame.  I create my own problems and I am pretty sure that you do too. 

My friends, it is not easy to eat this message, but it is necessary to build us up.  You and I must be aware of what we are doing.  We don't want to find out too late that we are in a mess that we could have easily avoided.  Walk circumspectly.  Be intentional. Be wise. Get connected to the solution that is Christ, and don't contribute to the problem.

He Knows

On Christmas morning I decided that I needed to meet with the King of Kings.  I was so caught up in the doing of things that I neglected to give Him the time He deserved in my day.  It was odd to celebrate Jesus' birth without even acknowledging the guest of honour - Him! Thank God that I was prodded and prompted by Holy Spirit who allowed me to see more in God's word. 

I really wasn't looking for this word in particular, thinking it would be nice to re-read the account from the gospel of Mary being told she would have a child and the whole story surrounding that event.  As I opened the bible to get there I saw highlighted the verses from Jeremiah 29:11


This verse is not unfamiliar.  I have read it several times and recently wrote a song to be an aide for teaching the kids bible verses for life.  Yet today the words "For I KNOW..." resonated within me.  I saw the words as if for the first time and I really understood at that moment that God was saying that He knows.

He knows everything and that concept remained aloof to my consciousness for a while.  I realized in the moment of Holy Spirit truth lesson that He really does know.  This is not something He was saying to the people to get to fill up space but it was absolute truth, hard facts and an unchanging edict. God knows all about our struggles, our hearts are exposed before Him. He knows the path that we take.  He knows everything. 

I began humming as I pondered the words the lyrics to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" The writer says:

He Knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows when you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
(Don't quote me on the accuracy of these lyrics)

God is not Santa Claus and Santa Claus is not God.  The truth is Santa doesn't know any of that stuff. He is just as clueless as you and I.  However, God, who stands at the beginning and the end knows it all. Friends may this revelation of mine be yours today  - He knows.

Image source:
(https://www.google.ca/search?q=jeremiah+29:11&safe=active&dcr=0&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiUy-T6iafYAhVBRN8KHTnuAvAQ_AUICigB&biw=1366&bih=651#imgrc=fqd1AVXlkCrPaM:)

I Know why...

I have a sister that has become nocturnal in her habits.
She sleeps all day and then in the night, under the cover of darkness she begins to move about.  This seems to be the time she finds to go about her day - accomplishing whatever task she has a mind to do.  It drives my mom bonkers. :-) and has caused many questions to be asked with no answers. Why,  we would ask ourselves, does this girl sleep all day?  Why does she not get up?

Then it occurred to me that maybe sleeping away the hours of the day that she is alone is easier for her.  Perhaps this makes the hours of being alone more tolerable to bear as she is for the most of it - asleep.  It makes sense that you cannot wallow in self woe if you are knocked out and unaware.  I suppose we can call it the blissful oblivion of sleep.  She wont have to find a way to fill the silence of the house with noise.  She wont have to hear the screams from her thoughts asking is this my life?  The hours of being awake before someone gets home is less when she finally arises from her slumber.  The day is done.

Now I don't know if I am wrong or right. I never discussed this with her and chances are I never will.  I wonder now how many people are doing the same thing?  How many people are sleeping away life in an effort to avoid the harshness of their reality? I suppose they will say its easier, but is it really?  Does it make any difference?  Do they wake up right or is the reality still the same?  Does the  circumstance remain unchanged awaiting the moment of wakeful consciousness?

Those answers I cannot provide.  However, I do know that what my sister (and all of us really), needs to do is to press into God.  Jehovah understands what I don't and His compassion never runs out.  He is the answer to her quest for a life that remains hidden and inaccessible to her.  He holds the light that is needed to pierce the darkness she escapes to time and again.  He is the one that gives sweet rest, even while we are wide awake.  He is really the only One who knows why she sleeps.  Oh Holy Father, speak to her even now in Jesus name. Amen.

Freed to be a Witness

In the bible there are many instances where people who were in prison were set free. In Acts 5, the disciples were going about doing the work of God. The sick were healed and the glory of God was seen. They became a threat to others. Once again the religious sect was afraid and so they laid hands on them to lock them away.  But in the night an angel of the Lord opened the gates of the prison and taking them out he said,


"Go stand and speak to the people in the temple the whole message of this Life."


They were freed to be a witness.  Friends you have also been set free. The bible says that we can stand in the liberty where Christ has set you free.  He who the son sets free is free indeed.  However, it is not just to be self serving.  It is not to be mute with your gift of salvation.  No my dear friends.  It is so that you can tell others your story; your experience with Christ; tell others what you see, what you hear and what you know. 


So tell me, who knows your salvation story?  It is time my friends to tell somebody.

Combatting fear

I believe in God.
I believe in God the healer.
I believe that healing is the children's bread.
I believe that by Jesus' stripes I have healing.
I believe that God heals me of all my diseases and I will not forget His benefit plan.
I believe.
I believe.
Lord help my unbelief.

I'm battling fear even as I type with hands that burn me.
My condition they have said is carpal tunnel problems. The nature of my desk job has caused my right hand in particular to go numb and burn when I use it for extended periods. Simple things like combing my hair, writing or typing on this insanely small screen causes me problems. I have to stop and try to give my hands rest so as to regain normal sensation. This is my issue and I fear what will happen as the days become years. I worry about tomorrow and I fear not being able to use my hands. I realize that to some this seems silly and inconsequential. Maybe it is and I am up in arms about nothing. Yet I ask you to bear with me as I bear with you.

Your issue may be different but whatever it is causes fear to lace through your thoughts. How do we combat against this feeling that God did not give to us? How do we operate in the power love and sound mind that is our portion from Christ? For me I have come clean with God. I didn't even know what I was feeling was fear until now. I have brought it before God and laid it out for Him to help me  conquer. I am reminding myself of what He said regarding my healing. There is a word for your situation. There is verse or two that you can lay claim to that will aid you to get rid of fear.

Friends the battle is real but I already know that we are victorious. Thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph in His name; Who always causes us to win!

Messed up in God's hands

A couple Sundays ago I was listening to a preacher's sermon on Jeremiah 18:1-5. God had sent him to the potter's house to see an illustration of the people of Israel and Himself. I've read it before and you can read it on your own as well. This time I realized something I never took notice of before - we can be messed up in God's hands.

Now this is not to say or even imply that this is God's deficiency or inability to keep us right. This is to say that even as we are on our Christian journey we go off course.  We mess up and become not as he intended. Why? Because even in His hands we want to do our own thing. We want to rebel. We want to choose our own way. At least this has been my issue many a time.

So here is the truth. Sin, our departure from Gods way and perfect design, causes deformity of the spirit. We basically need the potter to remold us and as the Pastor pointed out it is not painless. There has to be a breaking apart. The cracks and brokenness requires God to once again bring us down to just clay in order to rework us.  We need to be pliant in his hands and it will have to be done by breaking us down again. Then He has to refine us. The reshaping has to be set by fire. Ouch! Then we are placed away for the curing process. Put aside on a shelf but not forgotten by God.

I don't know what you are experiencing right this minute but I still want to encourage you. God doesn't throw you out when you are messed up. God doesn't say that's it garbage for you. He doesn't leave us in the mess but by His own hands he remolds, reshapes, restores and repurposes. So don't call yourself out. Don't try to get off His potters wheel. Stay put and go through. Being messed up in God's hands is the best place to be. He takes your mess and reshapes it for the message.

Waiting on God

I don't know you and I probably will never meet you. 


On the other hand, if I do know you, please do me a favor and never repeat this to me.


So I am single.  I have been single for quite some time - over a decade with no dates or hook ups. Now I am a little selective in who I would choose.  However, there has been no one on the list to choose from.  No.  Don't feel sorry for me. I am not upset.  I am waiting.


I am waiting on God to prepare me for that husband to find me.  He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.  Therefore I need to be found.  Yes this is so not what the world outside the pages of my bible dictates.  In fact, you may even just now have rolled your eyes and think old fashioned biddy. 


That's fine.


Okay so while I am waiting on God can I confess to no-one in particular something.  I have been so desiring of a kiss.  Oh my goodness.  I was thinking to myself I so would love to be married so I can kiss my husband without guilt and fear of taking it beyond righteousness and holiness.  I laugh as I think it is a bit silly but hey, that is what I feel.  My reality is my reality. :-)


Will I act on this desire of mine?  No.  I am waiting on God.

Something New

I am learning something new.  Now while I am not that old (unless you ask my 9y/o niece) so I can still teachable.  Then again so is my Embrace Sister who is well into her 80s and defies the old (no pun intended), saying "you cant teach an old dog new trick". 


So anyway, I am learning how to speak to my twenty-two year old son in his language. Puzzled?  Don't be.  I am simply learning how to speak to my son as a man.  Have you ever heard that men need respect and women need to hear about love?  God made no mistakes when he made them male and female. The truth is we are not the same and I never really paid attention to our differences until now. 


Now, I am armed with inside knowledge from a Doctor Emerson who is giving me the language to communicate effectively and without disrespecting him as I have often done.  In the first few chapters of the book I had checked off everything on the what not to do list - done!  This was definitely not my finest moment and the temptation to feel like a failure was strong and real.  In my mind I ran through the many years and wrestled at how many times I had failed to give him honor and respect. 


I am singing the song loud and off key R E S P E C T - find out what it means to me!!!! Only this was his song and I never heard it.  I had tuned him out and denied him of his manly need.  Oi!


Okay so I can't change yesterday but I can stop the bleeding today.  I can learn something new and by George I am gonna give it all I got.  Doc Emerson's book Mother and Son the Respect Effect will become very good friends.  Go ahead and give it a try...its worth it to learn something new.


https://loveandrespect.info/mother-and-son-the-respect-effect

One Day At A Time

Recently I did a talk on the topic One Day At A Time.  It was then that I realized something...I was never in the moment.  I was either looking back on days spent or casting my eyes too far ahead.  I missed out on the moments that I was in; the gift of the present.  I was not taking each day one at a time. 


Does that sound like your life?  Missing out on the things right before your eyes?  My friend let us not do this to ourselves anymore.  In fact let us be intentional to be present.  You. Me. Right here.  Right now.  Living out this day and leaving all our tomorrows in God's hands.  Don't you remember that He alone stands at the beginning and the end of our lives?


We can trust Him.  We can be content taking it our day one at a time. :-)

God hears you. God sees you.

This past Sunday I had an opportunity to go to the prison for services there. I love the women there and somehow God allows me to see them not as felons but as sisters. I see them as women who are worthy of God's grace and mercy just as I am. Murderers, adulterers, fornicators, liars and cheaters were some of us before Christ.

I sat listening to the speaker as she spoke from 2 Kings 20:1-7. The King was sick and he was told to set his house in order. A death sentence was given to him. He was ailing and would not recover. Ouch! Talk about bad news. When we receive that report from the doctors we can say no way, no how! What do you say when God is the sender of this report? What do you say if this is his word over your life? You will surely die. Think about it for a moment.

Well Hezekiah did what I imagine most of us would do. He turned his face to the wall and prayed. He turned his back to everything else around him and faced the impenetrable wall of doom and he cried out to God. The bible said he wept bitterly. He was not trying to hold on to the lie that men don't cry. This poor man cried real tears before his God.

What struck me at this point is that God heard and sent word. He changed the report and sent back the  prophet to the king. The prophet did not even have enough time to leave the palace and I imagine that while the words were still coming out of Hezekiah's mouth God sent His answers. He said to him I heard your prayers and I saw your tears.

For me that struck a chord within and brought such encouragement and delight. God hears me and sees me. He really really does! My prayers are not just going to the air with nobody on the other end. There is a connection on the other side of Heaven. God is on the line with me. He hears and he sees!!!

Friends this was what I needed to press in all the more to Him. This is what I needed to pray the prayers that I know will avail much. God brings the answers. Don't lose heart...just pray!

There is therefore now no condemnation...

I wonder if Paul knew the torment of guilt when he penned this verse in Romans  8. I can tell you this much, over the last two days it has been a constant reinforcement to my guilt ridden soul.

I did what I was not to do and it weighed upon me like a ton of bricks. I felt certain David understood as he confessed to God his sins. Oh God, my sins are ever before me. It's like the unwanted commercial break you can't fast forward or delete. I wonder to myself how did I get here?

Charles Stanley would say that I allowed myself to be drifted away. Somehow my focus  was less on God and more on me. Less word, less prayer and the recipe for disaster was quickly made.

So here I am, repented but fighting against the lies that says I am not forgiven. I know THIS is not just my struggle. I know you have been there and may even be there now. So what do we do?

The truth dispels the lies. ..there really is no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus. He really is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all our unrighteousness. That is the truth and he will not take it back.  So despite how we feel, good or bad, we who believe in Him must believe His word. It is the key to our freedom. We are forgiven.

Lord Teach Me How To Love

I am struggling. 
I am crying.
I am fighting.
I am really trying to love. 


Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs done.
Love does not boast.
Love is what I need to choose right now and I confess it is not easy.


I need to do what God has asked me to do and he says do not be offended.  He says he needs me to not be distracted by these events in my life.  This is not the life I imagined. I never foresaw these days of turmoil and unrest.  God where is your peace?  I so desperately need You right now.


Love is patient.
Love is kind. 


Again and again I must remind myself of this word; this truth that is to set me free.  I don't know why I thought I should be exempt from trials when the word of God says I would have them for sure.  He knows how much I can bear.  I am not unique in having hard times....it is life. 


Lord teach me your ways.  Teach me how to wait upon you.  Teach me Lord how to love like you do.

I Am Enough

I woke up asking myself, "Am I enough?"  I am to speak on the prayer line devotion today - It's in your hands being the theme - and this question seems to be linking itself with it.  Is what I have in my hand enough.  It may have something to do with my image.  I seem to have the kind of face and look that begs people to say, "I want to do a make over on you!"  Every time I hear that I always wonder to myself "What is wrong with how I look now?"  It stirs up feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.  It reminds me again of reasons why I was cheated on and eventually dumped....I was not enough.


I know these are arrows sent my way to destroy me.  I know that these are weapons formed to bring me down.  I know these are lies sent to drown the truth.  I know I am enough.  I am enough in Christ.  In my hands, he has given me that which is unique to me.  A friend of mine says to me that greatness is in my hands.  She says the made in his image means that we are in the image of His greatness.  The bible says that Greater is in me than he that is in the world.  I am enough as He is more than enough. On my face he has shone his light and my countenance reflects his glory. Revlon 'aint got nothing on that. My insufficiencies are covered by his grace.  His grace is sufficient for me; it is enough and that makes me enough.




I don't know about you...where your mind is today. However let me bring you this truth - you are enough.  What you have added to what God has is enough.  You can be satisfied in this as you are not lacking in anything.  God has equipped you to live this life and say it with me - it is enough.  So my friend, go have a look in the mirror and speak out loud with confidence "I am enough".

Taste and see that the Lord is good

I sometimes brush my teeth with salt. Don't ask, it's a long story. Regardless I do this from time to time to enhance my brushing experience. However, I don't want to taste the salt in my mouth. So subconsciously I have kept my tongue away from the salt grains. I put the salt in but I never actually taste it.

It's funny because every time I do it I am reminded of the verse in Psalms 34:8:
"Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man that takes refuge in Him."  If I can avoid tasting salt even while it is in my mouth, have I been doing the same with God?

I wondered if I have been having Him all around me but never fully enjoying or taking Him all in? It's hard to explain what I mean but is He like salt in my mouth (life), that I never tasted. I don't know His goodness because I remain outside of who he is.

I don't know about any one else but I don't want a flavourless relationship.  I don't want to not experience for myself his goodness. I don't want to be so close and yet so far from Him. I want to taste him. It sounds weird but for a food lover like myself I get this verse. I want him to be my source of everything. He is the one that is good.

I get excited over good food. I enjoy tasting flavours that work and entice the buds to try more. God is better. So from here on out I will taste his goodness. I will eat of his word.  He is my good and won't give up carb.  He is my daily bread.

For Unto US A Child Has Been Given

On the morning of February 24th my family welcomed the birth of its newest member.  I was honoured to be there in the delivery room. I got to be apart of one of God's miracle and that in itself was a gift worth losing sleep over.

How soon however did that same gift become bitter. Conflict. Hurt. Anger. Misunderstanding.  These words now describe the experience surrounding my grandson's birth. Really it is sad how things seem to be developing. My heart literally hurt for him. He is at the centre of people who are so consumed with their own issues no one wants to back down. What about his feelings? Does he not have the right to have peace?

I say yes. He deserves peace in his life. He deserves the best and he deserves people who will put him above their need to be right. While I can't speak for anyone else I will be one who will stand on the side of R. Isaiah.  I will lay aside my feelings and issues and be the one who will advocate peace. I will decide to not stand or walk in offense. I will lay aside the weight of conflict and be silent even when I want to yell out at those I feel are in the wrong.

If you are reading this I ask that you pray. Pray for this child and all of us who will play a part in his life. God has a plan for him and he is not unaware of the days ahead. I am confident in Him who loves him better than anyone else. I am confident in Him who knew his name and who formed him with His hands.

For unto us a son was born. For unto us a child has been given. His name has been known by His heavenly Father. His life is in His hands.

What if we could show who we are?

I wonder how many of us walk around with a mask over our faces? 


I wonder how many of us smile and nod when inside buckets of tears are being filled from our misery?


Wouldn't it be great if we show who we were?


Wouldn't it be wonderful to just say how we feel?


Wouldn't it be freeing to just be real?


 


Go ahead and think about it. 


 


I have found that in the body of Christ, inside the walls of our churches we have people that are dying a silent death.  They put on masks of "I'm fine"  like MAC make-up on their faces.  Men, women and children are deserving of an Oscar award for the best performances of their lives.  How sad it is and yet how true. 


 


In a place where we all believe in the same God who says confess your sins before one another and pray for one another we hold back.  We are afraid that if they knew the truth of the lives we have and the issues we face that it would be a weapon against us.  Do you know how many people are dying alone through their crisis?  Women who have miscarried and kept it silent thinking it is to their shame.  Men who struggle in sexual sins and are afraid to confess and get help. 


 


Masks.  Chains.


Masks.  Pain.


 


I sigh because I am so weary of it all.


 


Added to this, we become even unwilling to confess our sins and discuss our issues with the One person we can be honest and vulnerable before.  God Himself.   Our father in Heaven invites us to come and reason together with Him.  Isaiah 1:18 says "...Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow..."  We can tell Him how we feel.  We can be real in His presence.  We can be free and clean from the stains of sin.  We can expose the lies by His truth, absorb His peace, draw strength from His joy.  We can be victorious.  We can be....


 


  


 


 


 

 

Children are a blessing

I am the mother of one child. 
A son.
He grew and grew and grew until now that son is about to become a Dad.
He will have for himself a child.
A son.




I have not always been kind in my thoughts toward this child of mine.
I have not always been celebratory of his life and those choices that culminate into his today.
I confess that I have spoken things that should have been kept between myself and God.
I have at times looked over the fence of my life and peeked at other children, wishing mine were just as they appeared to be.
I have not always considered that this child of mine was a good and perfect gift from God.




For the last five years my son and I have seemed to be at opposite ends. 
Our views are different. 
Our lifestyle is different. 
The silence between us can fill up North America - it is that big. 
I wonder often where did my little boy go?  I don't recognize this man he has become. 
His behaviour to me is strange and is not the training I have given to him. 
So I have let myself be excused for saying things that were truth in my eyes but without the grace my God requires.




I say this not to air my dirty laundry nor to shame myself or my son. 
I say it because I want to show the mercy of God to a wretch undone as one such as myself.


This morning my mom told me of a woman who had struggles with her daughters.  They too had taken the path of destruction for their lives and she whispered in her heart "my children are a disappointment."  The Lord said to her, "No, your children are a blessing."




As soon as my mom said those words my spirit testified that these words were for me. 
My child was and is a blessing.  I felt a release of a long held burden of guilt removed from my person. 
My son is a blessing. 
God was telling me that this should frame my thoughts regardless of what my eyes see or my ears hear or whatever may cause my heart to leap. 
He is a blessing!




Psalm 127:3 says he is not only a blessing but a gift from God.  The miracle in this story is that while I was typing this up my son came into my room.  He kissed my cheek and began to speak.  The silence was broken and we spoke as we did when he was 16 for more than a few minutes. 
God moved upon our hearts and produced good from my obedience. 


So I say with confidence in the word of God, my son and your child are a blessing and a gift from God.