Christmas Time

At my house christmas time is a great celebration of family, food and all the other trimmings. This year we did something better. On christmas eve we prayed...just the women of faith.  It was an amazing time.  This Christmas we centered our attention on Christ, family and food.  We got things in the right order and it was absolutely great.  I cant tell you how much I have learnt this year. God has been so good to us and I want to take the time to say thank you Lord!

Remembering My Dad

In Honor of My Dad – Charles A.

I was thinking about my Dad this morning. I cry over his loss some times – even now. So many moons ago and still the memory is fresh to me.  I guess that feeling never goes away, it just gets bearable.  How I wish I could go back in time and have him here.  But only God knows why.  He was a good man; as good as he could be in his own strength. He was kind.  He understood. Isn’t it funny how you only see better in reflections and memory as opposed to up close and personal?  Hind sight is always 20/20.

I imagine what it would be like if he were alive today.  I see myself hugging him and listening to his heart beat.  I see myself laughing and talking to him.  I can see his smiling face in my mind.  I can hear his booming laughter.  I miss him so much now. 

It hurts most because I never fully appreciated his presence until I had it no more. You never know a good thing until its gone is what people have said.  They are right. 

Henceforth, I am determined to tell the people I love today that I love them. I am quick to forgive and let things go.  I am moved to give freely and expect nothing.  I am inspired to be my father’s daughter – a friend to everyone.

Please don’t wait for death to say the nice things about the people you love.  Don’t wait until then to search for the positive things about them.  We have always been told give the roses while they are still alive.  As the year draws closer to an end, let this be our mission in life – to love each other.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth” 1John 3:18

“Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:13

The One Who Calls You is Faithful

Last Thursday I actually carved out some time to sit and read the Bible. It was in the sanctuary of my green Kia Sportage in the parking lot of the Secondary School that doubles as my church on Sundays.  I found, quite unintentionally the book of Jude. There I found one of my favorite verses,that always makes me feel less encumbered. I read the words that gave me great hope and took away my anxiety.  ²⁴ Now to Him who is able to keep you^[f] from stumbling,
      And to present you faultless
      Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,
He is able to keep me from falling!  I always get excited about that because I know how "accident" prone I am at times.  To know that He is keeping me gave me a thrill and a great sense of peace.  Out of it I wrote a song. Really, it is almost word for word from this verse.  I had forgotten this promise and now I hear the song God gave me replaying in my mind.  He who has called me is faithful. He will perfect me.  He is able to complete that work in me.  No stops or pauses.  He is able to present me blameless before Him.


I praise YOU God
I've tried it on my own
And I've found
I can't make it alone

I'm tired of the times
That I have failed
And I've fallen in sin

But You oh Lord
Will keep me from stumbling
But You oh Lord
Will present me blameless

I praise you God
I praise you God
For you alone are wise
All glory and majesty
Belongs to You
Oh God
Lord your Dominion and Power
Reigns forever
Lord your Dominion and Power
Reigns forever

Teenage Love By Latoya Davis

Hi Today
Bye Tomorrow
Chilling on Monday
Enemies on Friday
Why are you so hot & cold?

Texting all night
Now not texting at all
With no reason
No argument
No fight
Why are you so hot & cold?

Laughing for hours
Now wiping warm tears
Long lovable hugs
Now feeling so weird
Why are you so hot & cold?


Great moments become awkward
Smiles are now frowns
Fighting to be okay with it
Working to just not care
The fact that you are okay
Is really unfair
Why are you so hot & cold?

I miss you, I really do
But now nothing can be done
I remember when I thought
You were the one
Why are you not upset?
How can you just not care?
It's as if I was never here
Why are you so hot & cold?

I am not going to cry

I just heard some awful news. It seems that we are in a nightmare that keeps on going.  When do we wake up? when does morning come and joy begins?  In these times it seems like God is far away.  Even as I write those words I know that they are not true. God is here and will always be here. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.  Yes, I still want to cry. I want to scream. I want to stomp my feet and yell out this is not fair!  I want everything to be okay again.  I want her to be well again. I want to understand what is going on.  Lord knows I am not giving up.  Yet, I am just so tired of this down.

I know God.  I know God. I know God.

I am not going to cry.

For you daughter

I believe therefore I speak…

I believe you are a woman of tremendous faith. I believe that you believe that God can do the impossible. I believe that you are waiting for the manifestation of His works in you to be revealed to everyone else. I believe that you are at the end of the matter, even though it appears you are farther away to the human eye.  I believe that the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead is in you and we can speak with that same spirit of faith.  I believe in moments like this, where I know you are in agreement and where two people agree on anything as in touching, then God promises that it shall come about. In the set time daughter, it shall come about. I am reminded now of the time frame it took for Abraham to have Issac, for how long it took Issac’s wife Rebecca to become pregnant, for the Israelites to be released from captivity, for Jesus to come the first time after Isaiah prophesied of his coming, for Hanna to have Samuel and I could go on and on.  But at the set time God does as He says he will do.  God has promised you things and you are waiting on them. Don’t look at what you see. They deceive you. Don’t look at when.  Don’t look at how. Look instead to the who that has promised.  He that has called you is faithful. He will do it.

I want to go home

I am so tired
Of sitting around
Waiting on you
To choose to spend
Some time with me

Already all my days have been
Spent hearing and discussing
The woman in your life
WHo has you singing and dancing
To her own drums and off pitched songs

I am ready to leave
To return to normal
Leaving insanity behind
Why did I do this to myself

I am sure this lesson
I will never forget
I cant say for sure
All that I have learnt
I just know I wont be
Doing this again

I want to go home
Lord knows I feel sad enough
Inside to think my dues have been paid

Life certainly doesnt go
As one plans it to be
Life is not the roses and
honey comb after all

But next time I will know better....

Today I am challenged

Today I am Challenged - Jan 22, 2009

 

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

If asked the question "How did you feel when God let you down?", my response to myself would be "God has never let me down". I always felt that I let him down.  But that lie was so blatant my heart sent multiple messages to my brain to indicate the hypocrisy of my thinking.

The truth came as swift as Bolt's dash to the finish line of a 400meter run.  I did feel let down, just as recent as 2008 to start. My friend died and my expectations were for her to continue on in life...to live and not die.  That is scriptural isn't it?  That is the truth, isn't it?

But somehow, and the reason remains elusive, she is no longer here with us.  I have felt that perhaps it was something amiss in my prayers. I felt perhaps God's sovereignty was at work and that's that.  I felt that I let Him down somehow by not recognizing the signs and being aware of the times.  Peter did say be aware of the times so that we may know how to pray.  I missed it - but never God let me down. 

Yet, today I sit unmasked.  Naked and soul baring I realize the duplicity of my emotions.  I am fraudulently representing confidence and non grievance when inside - and not that deep apparently - I felt let down. I felt disappointed.  I felt confused and absolutely blind sided.  I felt shaky.  I fell silent.

Tears wouldn't blur the reality of my position.  I was going against my professed stance of never holding God's deity ransom.  I had spoken those words on many occasions since that Sunday night in 2008.  I was lying to myself and how many others...unintentionally, but still the same effect. 

Today however, I am challenged to consider something far deeper than my own self centered, self righteous, self pity.  I am challenged to consider the God in who I profess to hope and whose words I profess to belief and whose character I profess to know.  I am challenged to think of the God who creates and who, as Job says, has the right to give and to take.  I am challenged to face the steadiness of my commitment, the strength of my faith, the "stickability" of my devotion and adoration and praise to the almighty God.  I am challenged to face the truth of my words "God remains God whether or not He answers my prayers".  I am challenged to relinquish the "I" in my desires and to allow the Him to lead and have supremacy, complete control.  I am challenged to hold on without ever letting go of the hope that I profess and fully knowing, never questioning that the One who has promised is indeed Faithful. 

I am no longer a Victim - Jan 2008

Something happened to me and I have thought to share simply because I feel God moving me to do it so I know for sure you will be helped by my experience.

I dropped a co-worker to his part time job yesterday and this is what occurred. 

We met after work, and immediately started talking.  He was someone I trusted to be with alone, and I felt no apprehension or any discomfort in his presence.  He had presented himself as a man in touch with God and I was even more happy to be blessing him in this way.  For we ought to love one another and to do good without grumbling according to the word of God (1 Peter)

So here we are when of course a Timmy's, (the adults McDonald) called us into it's warmth and fed us with hot chocolate and blue berry muffins.  So far so good.

As we sat there he spoke about his wife and his sisters.  He told me that they too were single moms.  Then he asked if I felt sad that I was single. It occurred to me that I must be saying more in silence than I am communitcating with words.  I told him I was happy and that I was content with who I am and my current status.  So again, he says "naaa  amiga dont talk like that about yourself!"  This clearly called for an eloquent expression my brother says, "Blah?"   So again I said, I am happy.

We proceeded to leave and still so far so good.

Now during our conversation we talked about weight gain and the difference between men and women.  I mentioned that I am still carrying around the baby fat from my 13y/o son, and hence why no muffin for me - just a HC.

So when we stopped I expected him to say Good bye and I would be on my merry way.

Instead he turned around and started to touch me in a way that had me so uncomfortable.  My leg, my stomach, pulling back my jacket and while he was doing this I am sitting there in a vaccum of discomfort.   My friend and trusted amigo was becoming someone else.  He kept saying amiga dont be mad at me and I kept saying I am not but it's time for you to leave.  Youre late for work. 

Eventually he left and I felt so dumbfounded.  I called my friend to get a guys perspective but he was hanging out with his family and not available to hear me.

I wanted someone to explain to me why suddenly I felt like I did something wrong.  Why did I feel so dirty?  Why was I so uneasy...I wanted to crawl out of my head and rest...I was so weary.

Then as the eveneing turned to night, I was angry.  I felt that it was unfair that he made me feel this way. I felt that he and so many others took advantage of me.  Why do these things always happen to me. 

I felt that my reputation was on the line and I imagined the lunch room conversation the next day and became even more enraged and pitiful. Woe is me.

I went to bed thinking about it. I woke up thinking about it.  In my insides I wept.  I felt so victimized. I was hurt.  I trusted him and he betrayed me.  I talked to God in the shower.  I wanted a wipe out.

I remembered that God promised me that vengeance is His.

I came out and still my mind was troubled.

This is so you know where I was and my thought process....woe is me. I am the victim. Obviously this is the 3rd guy at work - I must be doing something wrong.  I must be saying alot in silence and my oblivious ignorance is no longer a defence nor a haven.

So I continued to be tortured in my mind.  When a small voice which I know to be the Holy Spirit said to me Joyce Meyers.

Obedience was easy as I was already standing before the tv and as it powered on I heard her before I saw her "some of you are always thinking "this is not fair!  Why does this happen to me"  When did she get in my head?

But God listens to us, He hears our every thought - He sees even our very heart.  She spoke about renewing our minds and changing the way we think.  We dont have to continue to feel like life is unfair. The battle is in our minds and we have to renew our minds by meditating daily on the word of God. People hurt us but we dont have to live a life where we are mad at people. We dont have to stay in the mess we can get out of it.

I sat there for the next 30 mins soaking in everything. And this time I wept outside and inside.

I was feeling so sorry for myself.  I felt so hurt that I did not even want to be pacified but I wanted to be sympathized with...and have someone agree with me - you were wronged Engada.

I was wronged.  It's not my fault what happened. I didnt do anything to deserve that.  I was in fact helping out a "friend".  But I am not staying in this pity me state of mind. I am moving on.  God is my avenger and He will do what is just. I am not a victim I am a conqueror.  The word of God has said that God's people will not be put to shame, so I am not worried about the lunch room conversations.  My name will only be called with good and not bad.  God is my protector.  I am connected to Jesus and His life is in Me. 

I am not a victim.

These are the words that I have been saying over and over to myself all morning. These are the words that are transforming my mind.  These are the words that piercing like a double edged sword through the fog of misery and oppresive thouughts that were beginning their torturous onslaught on me. 

Ladies, I felt badly and it grew and grew like a bad sore.

But thanks be to God who always comes through. 

I spoke to Him, complained, and urged Him to see what had happened. But He showed me a different picture of what was happening...renew your minds daily ladies. DOnt stay where you are because something bad happened to you.  Get up and get out.  Dont try to get mad and stay mad.  Get glad.

Whatever zaps you of your joy and strength is not of God.  Whatever confuses you (ususally reasoning something out does that) is not of God. He is not the author of confusion.

Dont be a victim, no matter what happened.  People or things may be able to touch our physical bodies, but it ought not to touch our mental being.  We are more than conquerors says the Lord. 

Dont be a victim...be an overcomer.

Loving Him...

Loving Him...

I love you

I can say this freely

For the first time ever

Without the negative reaction

You shy not away

From my emotions expressed

You fear not

My feelings openly displayed

From me to you

I can say what I want to say

No holding back

No censored declarations

Just love and adoration

Finally, and I have sought

I have found the one my soul loves

He whispers to me words that inspire

Touching my senses, melting my defenses

There has been no other

Will never be another

That makes me feel

Just as you do

I love you!

I will say it out loud

No worries of tomorrow

For you wont ever forsake me

I believe in Miracles

I heard a Pastor preach that he has never seen a miracle.  He said that he would like to, but in his heart he doesnt believe that he ever will. I was sad to hear that.  Really sad because for me I believe in miracles. I believe in a God who gives live to the dead. I believe in the impossible being made possible through a God who can do all things.  I believe that God works miracles every day in the birth of a baby, in the acceptance of Jesus, in the sick being made whole, in the forgiveness of sins, in the rising of the sun, and in its going down the same.  I would like to think that I live my life as if everything is a miracle to borrow from Albert Einstein.

I believe that it is not just for the days when Paul and Peter lived and walked on the same sand and dirt as Jesus did.  I know that it is for here and now. For this generation and the next, God can do miracles.  I know that I am believing him now for a miracle. I beleive that my sister will one day walk without a cane.  I believe that miraculously we will be married (I know everybody is doing it, but for us - my sisters and I - it seems like it would have to be a miracle for us to be married). 

I still believe in Miracles.

Nicolas Plano Ristorante - Texas

I had the opportunity to go to an amazing Italian Resturant on my visit to Texas.  I must tell you that it was worth the money that my friend paid for the meal. I had a spicy tomato soup that boasted melted cheese at the surface, with a flat bread seasoned to perfection and accented by cheese (of course).  The main entree was something i still cant pronounce - but in English it was Salmon with a riscotto (not sure of spelling), asparagus and some sauce I cant remember. It was Perfect. 

I wish I could say that was how my night was, but sadly I would be lying.  The meal was everything I could have imagined, and yet the evening was not was perfect.  My cousin's girlfriend made her presence known all night.  Ironically she was not in attendance physically.  But somehow I think it would have been better had we just included her. She was mad because she felt hurt that she was not invited on our dinner trip.  I came all the way from Brampton Ontartio to Dallas Texas only to land in the middle of this.... Crazy right?  You dont even know the half.

But what it made me realize is that our past affects our present and our future.  I dont know what happened to this young lady.  I dont even pretend to understand anything that she has gone through.  I dont understand why my cousin stays with her.  Jesus complex?  (The concept or belief that he can change her by just being there with her - he can save her).  What I do know is that as adults we are just grown up children and at times we rival five year olds with our bad behaviour.

This experience for me has been revealing.  I feel somehow saddened by everything, yet I am hoping that it will be the straw that broke the camel's back and bring about a positive change. I am hoping and praying that God will intervene and rescue them both from what is just an unhealthy situation. I am doing my best to stay out of it and not add any more to the drama that is already more dramatic than soap opera.

This trip, so far has been tiring...emotionally tiring.  I want my cousin to be happy.  I want to scream at him and say OPEN your eyes. I want to...yeah I know.  I cant do anything other than pray.  That is it.  That is the best option and I intend to take it.  He is after all, my friend forever!  (A little bit of corny is good anytime).

LOVE

I am sitting here and the idea of love is permeating my thoughts.  That word has been used so casually I feel that over the years it has lost its meaning.  Whatever happened to the love that is patient and kind?  Now love is just the way some-one describes their feeling.  It is the word that is used in place of lust.  It is the euphoria from that sexual high, misplaced and totally abused.  Love. 

Kirk Franklin sang, Love, a word that comes and goes, though few people really know what it means to really Love somebody.

I agree, so few people know what it means to love.  I realize I am rambling, because in my mind I have a thousand thoughts.  I want to say much more than this but I cant right now.

But think about it, what does love mean anymore to you?  We have even changed the spelling to Luv ya, a sure sign of the devaluing of its relevance.  We as a people (so i dont excclude myself) have missed the point of God's intent.  Yes, i bring God into this because God is Love and if we have not God we have not love.  How can we say that we have this Love when we dont know the one who is the very essence of it?

Just think about it. This is to whet your appetite, and promote thinking.  Love....

Bending Will

Bending your Will to His

It must be hard to bend a tree when it has already been fully grown.

It must be hard to bend a rod when the iron has been set in place.

It must be hard to bend a heart that has been hardened and grown cold.

It must be hard to bend a will to a God that has never been seen.

But oh how wonderful it must be, when as a plant we sway in the wind.

Oh how much easier is it to mold the iron before it is set.

How sweeter would love be from a heart that is soft and made of flesh.

Imagine for a moment how it could be with a will that is meshed with His.

Nothing is hard with God.

Nothing is impossible with God.

Nothing is too much with God.

He gives you only what you can bear.

Drink Offering

Philippians 2:17

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁷ Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all.

From the first time that I saw this verse I have zoomed in on Paul’s description of himself as a drink offering.  I imagine a glass filled with liquid, being emptied of its contents, to the last drop.  I imagine it being replenished and poured out again and again.  I believe he held nothing back of himself or possessions, giving everything for the glory or God.

From time to time it comes to mind challenging me to be the same.  It occurs to me that every thing that I am and possess is for Christ to use. I am his hands and feet and mouth. His love inside of me is for all whom I will meet, have met and will meet again.  My service to Him is to be like that offering, poured out for him for the purpose of everyone.

Believe me when I say I am not at all perfect.  But I still want to be that drink offering for Christ. I want my life to be lived for him. I want the rivers of living waters inside of me to flow out, and impact the lives of those around me.

It is my prayer right now that as you read this, that you will be inspired likewise by God’s spirit.  I pray that you too will begin to offer yourself, all of you, good and bad to be an offering for God; an offering that is not compelled but a voluntary gift of yourself.

When you measure yourself, you may find that you are lacking. Rightly so, aren’t we all?  But God can use you because his perfect love covers you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Today I celebrate my 37^th birthday.  I have thought about many things since awakening this morning.  From all of them, I have decided that this year I will be all that God wants me to be.  I dedicate myself to Him and you are my witnesses.

This morning I thought I had planned things differently. Maybe I caused certain things to be pushed back because of my own choices. But as from this day, Sept 14^th I want to be all that He wants me to be.  I want my praise to be like perfume to him. I want to be that drink offering poured out for Him.

I want to be the Queen of possibilities that He says that I am. I want to be light. I want to be salt. I want to be the woman who fears him above all things. I want to be the one who gives him honour where ever I am. I want to be authentic 24/7.

This is my New Year’s resolution beginning now.

Small Fist in The Clouds

I wanted to talk about my son. I wanted to thank God for all that he has been doing in his life. He is such a blessing to me and my family. He has wisdom that shows up in ways that causes us to pause and really listen to him.  These glimpses of maturity in him is my "small fist in the clouds", and lets me know that the showers of blessings are on the way.  No, not material things.  Blessings that are beyond measure. He is blessed in the city and in the fields. He will be blessed as a young man. He is blessed as a husband.  He is blessed as a father. He is blessed as a Priest. He is blessed.

He leaves for a week with his biological father on Wednesday.  I will miss him. I will miss our Mommy and Rori dates. I will miss him just being in the house.  But I trust God to keep him. I believe that this trip is a gift from God, every good and perfect gift after all is from God after all.

Greater is He that is in me...

OUR GOD IS GREATER

“Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God… “

The words of this song by Chris Tomlin lift my spirit tonight.  I need all the encouragement I can get to stand up to this trial.  Truth be told, I just want to curl myself into the tiniest ball and cry until God sends in the cavalry. But He does not like that plan of mine.  I wonder why?   Because I am a soldier in God’s army and I will fight for right and the salvation of my family, friends and foes.

I cried today.  Big, loud sobs rose from my belly and out my mouth.  I hurt so much for him – my nephew.  To me he is my son and I wonder where did we fail him?  How could this be the reality?  Why has he gone astray? Why has he departed from the training?  I want to hold him to me. I don’t want to let go. But as the tears seemed endless, the voice of God said “Let him go”.  Even now, I don’t know how to do that. I have said it to his mom. Told her Let him go, there is nothing we can do for him now.  But now when I am the one hearing it from the Master Himself, I shudder and groan in my spirit.

When you have a child, you never think of the bad that could happen. Your pictures of their future never include a harshness that will swallow them or even get near them.  We are their protectors and we believe that will be enough. But alas, we deceive ourselves.  It’s not enough, and the boogie man gets into our home. He seeks to steal, kill and destroy.  He looks for the young and he preys on their weaknesses.  He capitalizes on their vulnerability, their frailness; and while we are staring with unseeing eyes he takes them. 

God help us through this. Secrets and lies are the bondage keeper.  My family, my nephew, my cousin, my aunt, my brother, my sister, myself…held in bondage of secrets.  Shhhh. Don’t say anything is all you hear. No-one talks about what happened. We hide behind masks that crumble with each passing year.  We can’t keep this up.  The unraveling continues generation after generation.  Why does he do what he does?  He has traded the truth for a lie.  I read the book Bondage Breaker and the author says, truth is the liberating agent.  The bible says, the truth shall set you free.

So, I am standing on that word.  I am forcing my lips to speak the truth over my family.  I am forcing my mind to think the truth.  I am in Christ.  I am trusting in my God that is Greater than he that is in the world!

INTERNATIONAL TEEN TALENT

This is my very first time in Cleveland TN. USA.  I must say it has been an experience. Just to say that the people I have met are all so very nice to me.  I was not sure of the reception I would receive, but was pleased.  I  am here with the Abundant Life COG youth drama team that my son and sisters are all apart of.  Without bias, i can say that the team presented very well.  I am not sure of the final outcome, but they have already won for me.  They gave their all on Friday morning.  No holding back.

I have seen so many talented teens; creativity; excellent performances without a question.  But they were few who really ministered.  Some were well rehearsed, but they lacked heart.  There was no passion, despite great skills.  Oh how i wish that all would have been focused on Christ.

Somewhere along the way, our focus becomes centered on a miniature trophy and a few minutes of applause and gaiety.  Somewhere we forgot the message of this Jesus we claim to be followers of and have sidestepped His purpose for our own.

Jesus help us...we walk in flesh and not spirit.

I do not intend to cast a shadow over this at all.  I think the idea is a great one. I believe that this will allow our young people to find talents they never knew existed; to explore possibilities beyond the scope of their own thinking; to tap into the promises and purpose that to them is God given; to use their talents for His glory.  Yes, I am a supporter of show casing our teens, celebrating their accomplishments and rewarding them for hard work.

But somehow, we need to find the balance, where it is the perfect waltz of worshiping God, telling His son's gospel in varied forms, simultaneously giving to Caesar what is due to him. What say you?

There are Giants in the land

I had the wonderful opportunity to do praise and worhip at The Word Inc Church.  While there, Pastor Lewis preached/taught his lesson titled Giant Killers.  He spoke about David and Goliath.  He named each of the stones: past, prayer, priority, passion and persisitence.  As i left there I was encouraged in my spirit and determined to kill the giants in my land.  He said to us dont negotiatie with them; dont make friends; dont live with them; KILL THEM!

So I jumped into my KIA and was singing my way home.  My mind went through the message and also flash forward to the chicken dinner waiting for me.  Lord knows.  But it was not to be had as all was not well.  My car stopped working.  I know now that it the timing belt broke, but last night I had no clue.  I was able to manuver the car to the safety of the right lane.  Can I tell you, that this was one of my fears?  My car breaking down with me on the street.  Panic street is where i thought I would be.  But, God was with me, as He is always is and I just thought GIANTS in the Land.  But I am a GIANT KILLER and i have the tools.

My sister was near by and was able to use her CAA which reduced the towing cost.  No problem. God is able to do the impossible. 

Today, I faced another challenge.  I was in tears after multiple texts messages that fed me with thoughts that were negative.  In my mind I could hear the "get out of this environment".  Giants always taunt you. They mock you and bring you down. But God! 

I love those two words. I really do.

So i swallowed the tears that were choking me today. I swallowed the emotions.  I closed my ears and eyes to all things I heard and saw.  I meditated on the word...I focused on what was good, what was pure. I reflected on the stones I picked up last night.

So I focused on the triumphs of the past; the things that God delievered me from.  I prayed in my heart and from my lips.  I declared like David that no uncircumcised Philistine is going to come up against me...a child of God! I knew that I had to be passionate about boasting on God.  He can do it. He says he will do it.  His promises are yes and Amen!  I had to re-prioritze (is that a word?).  I had to understand that the time frame is God's but  I have to be persisitent.

Giants in the land.  GIANTS in my LAND.  I am in a state of HOLY indignation!!! How dare they? 
I am making a declaration right now, to you and to me - NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL EVER PROSPER.  EVERY TONGUE THAT RISES UP AGAINST ME IS CONDEMNED. THIS IS MY HERITAGE IN THE LORD JESUS!

There is no Grey Area with God

I cannot take credit for this title.  In a conversation with my cousin, we spoke on the morals of people today.  He was being asked to compromise his integrity and he concluded for himself that God has no grey areas.   When he said it I got more excited than he understood I am sure. Things are either black or white, wrong or right.  I was nodding in agreement - that is so true!  God, is definitely not a supporter of straddling the fence. He says, He would prefer for us to be hot or cold but definitely not lukewarm.  You see, no one can serve two masters and that is kind of what standing or operating in that grey area represents.  It is not wanting to choose one or the other but sort of trying to have both...a little good, a little bad....what does that make? A lot of mess!
I am certain of one thing only.  God demands us to be holy. He says be holy as I am Holy.  Now for me, that is sometimes such a tall order. And yet, He says he will help me to do this. He will present me blameless before himself. Is that not amazing?  God puts a choice before us, choose ye this day who you will serve.  If He is your choice, he will help you to live in the right...no grey area with God.

Reflection - A Monologue by L Davis

Setting: A teenage girls bedroom, with a long full length mirror. Very early in the morning, quiet background.

Characters: Two girls that don’t look too different, both are wearing the same pyjamas just wearing them slightly different.

1: Christian Reflection    2: Feared Reflection

  Both: AHHHH

1: Why does this dream keep following me, I can’t seem to understand. I just gave my life to Jesus and I know I’ve made the right choice, but every night as I go to sleep I have this dream, this dream of who I used to be, of who I hated to be, of who took over who God wanted  me to be. Am I making wrong choices, am I not doing the right things? I feel like being a Christian is not who I’m set out to be, where do I draw the line, how do I erase my past. This dream makes me wonder, it really make me think.    Am I still making mistakes, Am I really who I say I am?

(Looks in the mirror at her reflection)

1: You see this is whose in my dream that girl I see right there, that girl who is hurt and filled with lots of fear. She hates herself, she hates her life she always wants lots more. So she changes who she is to be someone else. She wants to be like everyone she wants to always be seen, so she walks down the school halls ways and always has a smile, but little do they all know she is really in denial. She dresses to show her body, she dresses to show them all; all those who say they love her but don’t care about her at all. She tells herself she’s happy and talks to all those who do the same, and ignores all the people she knows will bring her nothing but shame.

2: I’m your reflection, I know you can’t be talking about me, my life is perfect my life is who YOU need to be. Stop listening to these Christians, stop letting them ruin your life why would you want to live like that,  that’s not much of a life. Your reflections lives HER OWN life, your reflection knows the truth. If God really loved you then why do you still hurt?  He brings confusion, he allows you to still fight, if God is so perfect them why is the world the way it is? This is your life now, there’s NO turning back, God doesn’t want you, your life is under attack. You’ve sinned, you’ve went against his “word” but who cares now you’re as free as a bird. No one around to judge you or tell you what to do, this is the life to live, this is you.

1: But what about...

2: What about nothing, now you can have fun.

1: How can this be fun? If I don’t feel it is right?

2: Don’t you worry reflection this is how it starts, you got to be a little scared that’s what life is about.

1: But God tells us to be fearless.

2: Ah don’t listen to what God said, God is trying to hurt you and then just send you to hell.

1: But God says he loves us and wants us to be with him.

2: So then why do you feel like this, why can you still see me?

1: (Silence)

2: Because trust me reflection I am who you’re supposed to be.

1: Maybe you’re right maybe I can never erase my past.

2: Sorry reflection but hell is where you belong at last. But hey don’t let it bother you don’t let it sound bad, think about all the friends that will join you , just let heaven pass. I am who you need to be I am the only one, I am what really loves you, I am what always wins. Forget about your baptism you know it was all a joke, start living the fast life take off that holy cloke. You can go to parties, you can be with the crew, forget about this “Jesus” if he is even really true. You can never be “born again” come on use scientific facts, once you’ve sinned that is, you can never go back.

1:  I thought I was suppose to live for Jesus I thought my pastor was right.

2: Ah would you stop already, and listen to what I say. This Christian life is dangerous, its makes you feel bad inside.

1: But I know Jesus loves me this just can’t be right.

2: IF YOU MENTION THIS JESUS AGAIN WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT! HE IS NOT REAL REFLECTION AND IM NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN, WE WILL ALL CELEBRATE IN HELL WHEN WE DIE IN THE END! STOP LIVING A DREAM, STOP LIVING A LIE! BE YOURSELF REFLECTION BECAUSE YOU ARE ME!

1: No. I was you.

2: You were me? Have you forgotten about that night? When you lost everything, gave up everything , turned your back on “God,”  all in one night, one second, all done by one choice. Don’t act like you’re not me, like you’re any different, as if you are a good person. That was the worst thing you have ever done. Don’t try and pretend it’s forgotten, God will never forgive you for that, YOU SINNED REFLECTION! Your body is supposed to be a “temple” remember, suppose to be respected, protected, pure! THAT DOESN’T APPLY TO YOU NOW REFLECTION YOU’VE FAILED, YOU’VE SINNED, YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON GOD! AND YOU WANTED TO, YOU WANTED TO REFLECTION!

1: You’re right, I did sin I was so ashamed, I felt like nothing.

2: You were nothing; because God made you feel that way he made you feel guilty. Why would you want to serve a God like this, who makes you feel guilt, who makes you feel bad? Turn your back on him like he has on you, if God loved you wouldn’t have felt the way you did. 

1: (silence)

(Circles her)

2: YOU CAN NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN REFLECTION! NEVER! (Echo)

1: NO! You need to leave reflection you have shown me the truth now you have shown me how powerful THE DEVIL can be! I REBUKE YOU REFELCTION IN THE NAME THE NAME OF JESUS! YOU WILL NO LONGER TAKE OVER MY LIFE; YOU WILL NO LONGR INVADE MY DREAMS, MY CHOICES, MY FAITH!

(Reflection two starts to back away, number 1 falls to her knees)

1: God I come before you now, I admit that I have been a sinner I got baptised and was unsure about my choice unsure about what it meant, I hadn’t forgiven myself for that night. I hadn’t forgiven myself for every mistake I’d ever made. I repent God and I will no longer allow my past what I believed was still me, what I believed would always be me destroy me. Joshua 1:5 says I will be with you, just as I was with Moses I will never leave you, I will never desert you, I am the lord your God I will be with you everywhere you go. I WILL NO LONGER TURN MY BACK ON YOU GOD, NO LONGER LET ME PAST BREAK ME, NO LONGER BE MY REFLECTION... I love you God but more importantly I know you love me. Thank you for those dreams God, because although they might have hurt me it gave me a chance to see you in a brighter light in the end.

(she stands up)

1: GOOD BYE REFLECTION I AM NO LONGER YOU, I REMOVE YOU FROM MY LIFE, I WILL NO LONGER LOOK AT YOU AND YOU WILL NO LONGER LOOK BACK AT ME. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU SHOWN ME TONIGHT BUT I WILL NO LONGER NEED YOU HERE, I BREAK YOU NOW AND REMOVE YOU FROM MY LIFE IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

(BIG BANG as she breaks the Mirror, Demons come dressed in black and remove the reflection from the scene)

Spiritual Asthma by N. Ruddock

Anyone who has asthma is unfortunately familiar with the feeling of “air hunger” - the inability to take a deep breath and the overwhelming anxiety that accompanies that feeling.  Fortunately there are several medications available to treat asthma, of which there are two major types.  There is the “rescue inhaler” which is an inhaled medication used to treat acute symptoms, when that feeling of air hunger arises.  There are also “maintenance” medications that you use when you have no symptoms whatsoever.  This prevents frequent attacks and decreases your need for the rescue inhaler.

I think sometimes our prayer life mimics these drugs.  We often neglect our spiritual growth and development when everything in our lives is going well (our maintenance meds).  As a result, we have more frequent attacks (by the devil) and experience turmoil, confusion and despair when unexpected events occur (air hunger).  It is at these times that we fall to our knees and ask God for His grace, mercy and intervention to help us through our crisis (rescue drugs).

If we strive for more consistency in our prayer lives we will not become flustered at life’s every turn.  We will have less need for rescue inhalers or a quick spiritual fix.  This will assure a healthier, more stable spiritual life and help us to function as more productive beings. 

Let us learn to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17).